Well the AH has been home now for about 2 weeks. Things have gone pretty good. I am grateful to have him home in that since we lost our "baby" (our dog) it has been really tough. She died on my birthday (8/26/08) and it has been difficult on our whole family. I wasn't sure how my AH was going to cope with the loss, he has never done well with the loss of anything. He usually becomes destructive, whether it's self or other things, one can never tell. From what I see, he is doing well with the loss. I thought the hardest day was going to be when we picked up her remains (she was cremated) but even that actually went well. I thought that this would be a lot more difficult having the AH home. I mean I did want him back home and I felt that I was ready for him to come home. I have been surprised at how well things have worked out, thus far.

I have continued my scheduled that I had set up for myself while he was gone, which consists of coming here to the board and reading, some responding, reading my Courage to Change book, Getting them Sober book, taking time for myself each day (no matter how short or long of a period of time it is), I have continued on my meds. I am blessed that my health is still good. I have also continued going to Church. All things that make me feel good and strong in mind and body.

Don't get me wrong there are times that are very trying, and that I where I have crossed boundaries and had to STOP and slow down and think. I have made sly comments directed at my AH's drinking, which I knew I shouldn't have. It is his problem to deal with and not mine. I would then take myself out of the room and do something else. I also apologized and accepted my responsibility in being wrong in making such comments, because they were not necessary and honestly childish and petty. Only meant to be cruel or point out the obvious which didn't need to be pointed out. Not to mention the comments were not constructive. But still I threw them out there and of course it did make things tense. I know that I have things to work on, for me. I also made sure that I was not too hard on myself and accepted that I am not perfect.

I do still make gratitude lists, I have to so that I make sure that I am truly grateful for everything I have in my life and the work that I have put into making real changes in my life. I haven't actually done things for myself since I was 16 years old and it feel good to take care of me for a change. I still have a lot of work to do but it doesn't seem like such a chore, it feels more like a little self hug each time I do something for me and that feels great. I feel like I am starting the "feel" again. I don't feel quite so numb. I really feel like I am happy, for the first time in MANY years!!!!

I hope that things continue this way. This life could end at any time, you never know when. The loss of my "baby" has really enabled me to get perspective on my own life and to realize that I take way too many things for granted. Her spirit is with me at all times and she is like my guardian angel pup. I just wanted  to share this update with you all!!! And thank you all for your support and feedback.