You know, maresie, I was thinking about that just the other day too.  I was at most of the stages you were at.  Now I think I'm at the stage of letting others be, totally letting go and detaching.  I have found that some of my Xclose friends, who were as controlling and co-dependant as I was, were not ready or would use certain portions of recovery in order to further their co-dependent, controlling ways.  The reason I say "xclose friends" is not because they are not in recovery, it's because I realized they are toxic to my recovery.  They dragged me into their drama and any other drama that came their way.  Then even if I didn't want to be involved, they somehow manipulated me to be.  What I do find now is that I mean what I say and say what I mean (to everyone actually) and I don't mintz words or give long explanations.  If I don't want to do something, I simply respond "no".  If I'm on the phone w/my daughter, and her kids act up and she starts yelling, I proceed to hang up the phone, and when she's done yelling, she'll call me back.  At first, she was upset w/me for doing it, thought I was rude, until I clarified to her that she was on the phone w/me, and subjecting me to listen to her yelling was rude on her part.  She actually "got it" and understands now.  I try never to be rude, nasty, impolite or anything to anyone, but I find those not in recovery or understanding "our" way of life (in fact some close friends, xclose friends and family), consider me to be a b**ch for sticking up for myself, and not tolerating certain behaviors or not doing something I don't want to do (in other words, doing for me).  But you know what, that's OK with me, cause everyone is entitled to their opinion, right?  I'm at a much better place in my life right now, and if others can't deal with it, it's their issue, not mine.  Like you said, my life is not be perfect either, but it's my life, and I'm grateful for that.   Thanks for this post and letting me share.  
Queenie