Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> it's become too unmanageble
Post Info TOPIC: it's become too unmanageble
sadako


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 51
Date:
it's become too unmanageble
Permalink  

my life has become completely unmanageable, and no amount of prayer and dedication to my HP is doing anything. i turn my entire life over to my HP, i surrender my willpower to my HP. things just keep getting worse! i'm going one hour at a time at this point, forget the "one day" thing. perhaps someone can see something i can't?

1. my ex molested our daughter :( she told me, i called CPS for help, got her a therapist also. CPS called it "unfounded" - even with 3 disclosures - and closed the case. i *will* contest that! but no money for a lawyer, so i call the free legal hotline - at least 12 times per day (they have a message that they're full, call again, and it hangs up). he can now file for unsupervised visitation, even for split custody where he'd have her 50% of the year. i am fighting this without any legal help and i keep running into dead ends. i just keep fighting.

2. my A-boyfriend left me exactly 4 weeks after the above. he says he wants to work it out, but i'm not seeing him change his own behaviors, and he's still blaming me for some things - i detach, detach, detach.

3. i was just diagnosed with lupus in July, and arthritis in June. i'm on new meds, a new med schedule - i'm sick all the time, can't keep anything down, can't sleep more than 2 broken hours per night. i'm working with my doctors on this as much as i can, trying everything to see what works. but i'm in constant pain at a level of 6, spiking to 8 or 9 if i exert myself. i have a 3-yr-old to take care of, all alone. very few neighbors willing to watch her even for 20 minutes, even if paid. i just moved here so i don't have any friends locally, still trying to make friends.

4. my A-maybe-boyfriend had his back surgery, finally, on Wednesday. he's on dilaudid for pain. even though we did everything we could to prevent it, my daughter jumped on him so that his back was re-injured and he had to go back to the hospital - he now has *permanent* spinal damage :( :(

5. my 21-yr-old cat died Tuesday. she lived a great, long life, and her death was very peaceful, i held her and sang to her. i had to call so many vets to find one who would take a charity case, since i'm disabled and on a fixed income. but even the $20 fee bounced my bank account - the bank charged another $35 on top of that. i'm without a penny until the 3rd of October! with a child to feed, and my meds to get.

6. my daughter is feeling all these losses far more acutely than i am, which i understand. i do everything i can to help her. but i have NO time to take care of myself, even to eat or go to the bathroom, she is clinging and terrified constantly that i'm going to be the next one to leave or die. i finally begged the nicest neighbor for some help, she said no - other women here have mooched so much, the women who would otherwise be a help are all burned out.

7. my blood pressure's gone wonky. it as 102 over 98 at my last appt.! the doctor insisted i get rest, absolute bedrest and to have my bp re-measured. i can't get the rest of course, with a child and no help. i can't get in to have my bp re-measured, no money even for a cab. the Red Cross here ran out of funding to give medical rides, they said to call again in a few months.

8. TMI warning: my Medicare switched the brand of bc pills i'm on for an ovarian condition - this brand is causing me severe breakthrough bleeding, i'm going through 1 regular pad per hour. i can choose to call 911 and go to the ER, but there is no one to care for my daughter there, in which case they'd call CPS and she'd go to a short-term foster home. the burden of proof is then on me to prove that i can care for her by myself, in order to get her back! with my ex's motions in court about my disabilities, i believe she would be kept in foster care pending a final hearing, which i was warned would take up to 1 year. i will NEVER allow her to be taken! she has enough things to deal with, without losing her mama and her home.

9. one of my prescriptions costs $30, i've called every assistance program i can find, there's no help. i run out in 4 days. without it, i have seizures. (i'm NOT asking for money! just taking inventory.) i'm terrified i really wouldn't be able to care for my daughter without that medication.

AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!! thank you for listening to me vent. i feel a little better, but my situation is the same. i feel absolutely helpless and hopeless. yet i keep asking my HP to take these difficulties from me, i keep surrendering my will to my HP. i am very, very blessed that i still have this computer and the internet connection, although this may be the last month i have that. at least i can reach out, listen, and share. i'm sorry this is such a depressing share. i'm at my wit's end. when the HP can't take it over, when the HP can't find a path for the surrendered one - what do you do???

__________________
To know the darkness is to love the light,
to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Permalink  

I'm not even sure where you are or if you are in the USA. There are food programs at various churches you can go to to get food.  Is there a church near you that can offer help with babysititing and more.  What about an agency that works with families. Many of those agencies offer subsidized day care and even free daycare on a scholarship. 

I can very very much relate to being at the end of your rope.  You are right many of the programs that are out there are very very burdensome to get into.

There are other agencies like the Center for Independent living that can help.  you can call an office like the one in Berkeley CA that have lists of all the ones available.

There are prescription drug programs but you are right the ability to get them is one drug at a time, one form at a time.  Nevertheless it is worth filling out the forms.

One other resource for you might be your local council.  You can call your local supervisor's office or your local congressman and try to find out resources.

Another avenue is to explore local chapters of the lupus foundation. They may be able to help you hook up with some resources:

http://www.lupus.org/newsite/index.html

I totally understand in so many ways where you are coming from. Next Saturday I have to walk 3 miles with one of my dogs to get her a shot. I have no money either (otherwise I would offer). I have people I can ask but they would want me to chip in and pay them for their time and I don't have it. I have  no one currently to ask without some kind of a pay off that I can't manage so I have to walk!

Al anon is a great place to come with this kind of stuff. You can keep turning it over. 

Maresie.


__________________
maresie
Rocky38


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 447
Date:
Permalink  

Unfortunately, I cannot see anything that you do not already see. I can very much relate to your list, I feel like I have one very similar to it myself lately.

I spoke with my sister on the telephone last night and ran through my list with her. She is a sweet and kind person, but she was so shocked at my list, she laughed! I couldnt believe she was laughing at my misery, then you know what? I started laughing myself. When I stood back and listened to my sorry lot, it's so incredible its funny! So I guess I've really flipped out now smile.gif Your list, and my list isnt funny, I know that, but it did help me to step back a little and laugh. It had been a while.

I can share that when I'm feeling really bad about my list (aside from the lunacy above), sometimes I write a grateful list. I'm trying to focus on something, anything that's good in my life so I can be a little saner for my son.

I hope your OK, and that your load lightens a little.

Best Regards, Rocky



__________________
There is a God. I am not He.
debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3131
Date:
Permalink  

your doctor can send a form fax I would guess to get your meds free. Have you called and asked him/her?

I got my meds free until I got my medicare. Also call your doctors office and see if they have samples. If they do, ask if they would mail you some since you cannot drive.

may I ask where you are?

There are agencies that are alloted so much money to help people in your situation. Salvation army, St. Vincent De Paul are ones I know if in the USA if you are here.

If I were you I would stop the bc pills. Does not sound like you are up for that type relationship anyway. your doctor can help there too.

There are always agencies to get food. Again before i say too much would ya please let us know where you are??

Hon I was homeless living in a cold room at the end of my barn when my A left. I almost starved. Mother had just died, things were bad.

you have a little one too on top of everything. do you have family anywhere?

You said cab so I am assuming you are in a big city?

I know there are people like me and others here who would want to help you.

Hey did you put an add on Craigslist in the Wanted??? I have helped people who put adds in there. A gal was kicked out by the husband, her and two cool kids. with nothing.

I gave her some cool stuff to sell at her garage sale.

Believe me there are people like me and Mariesie and more who pulled out of bad stuff. And I bet you find some with an add on CL to help ya!! geez I would watch your 3 year old happily and give you rides!

There is so much free produce now, lots of free good bread.

ack let us know would you? pm me if you like or private email
edensheart@centurytel.net  love,debilyn who wishes ya lived closer to her

__________________

"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
<(*@*)>
sadako


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 51
Date:
Permalink  

i live in the backwoods of NH. there is a cab service, $3.50 per mile, everything out here is stretched miles apart. my dr. tried everything she could to get me free/reduced fee meds, she said all i can really do is go to the ER when i run out. that'll give me 3 days meds.

i've definitely exhausted everything in my search for support out here. i'm wicked good at googling, and searching the phone book, websurfing, asking for referrals, asking for pamphlets to be mailed, etc. the food bank here delivers, but it's just bread, rice and pasta, which i already have too much of! i have WIC, but no transportation to the grocery store after Monday (so i can get one more milk, cheese and cereal). i'm on TANF, food stamps - a whopping $13 worth. i have no idea why NH is so broke!!

there's also the old-fashioned New England mentality of "just look away" when someone asks for help. i'm not used to that, i'm from Chicago, i was always best friends with my neighbors there. here, i've lived 2.5 years, i'm still a "stranger" and a "flatlander." sighs.

thank you for your kind words, they are precious. i'll write more, and listen more. and i'll keep hoping to reach my HP somehow.

__________________
To know the darkness is to love the light,
to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
greta


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 174
Date:
Permalink  

I got help for my seizure meds from the epilepsy foundation.  They gave me a form that I needed my doc to fill out and I then was able to get a few months for free. 

(((sadako))) I have been right where you are at.  I had a streak of things happen to me that seemed insurmountable.  Sometimes when it rains it pours.  What helped me was to make a list of all these things and look at it and figure out what things I could do something about right now!  What things needed my urgent attention and then do what I could that day.  When I had done that I crossed those things off the list and put the thing away for the day.  Just the act of putting that list away gave me some peace.  It was a physical act of letting those things go, when I put the list in the drawer for the day.

At that time I lived 20 miles from town and I had my license suspended because of my seizures.  Somehow I got to an alanon meeting and voiced the trouble I was having getting anywhere.  Those angels from that meeting came and picked me up every week and took me to the meeting.  They would stop by the store for me, oh god did they help me.  I guess my point is, if you are not going to meetings somehow get there.  There is so much support to be found.  I will always be grateful.

Keep in mind it took a while to get where you are at, so it may take a bit to get where you want to be.  Don't quit before the miracle.  I'm sure glad I didn't!

Prayers coming your way!

God Bless,

Carol

__________________
sadako


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 51
Date:
Permalink  

10. the A asked me to drive him today. i did (he'd let me have his car til he could drive). a truck braked hard in front of us, i braked as softly as i could, the A screamed in pain (from the back surgery). i parked and said "let's just sit still and let the pain subside, then i can help you with your errands." he was absolutely - evil? no word for it!!! - after that. even after he said the pain had gone away. he let me go shopping for me and my daughter, at least. he let me pay for her karate classes, the one luxury our little family has, the one point of stability in her life and the source of her self-esteem and confidence. i asked what errand was next on his list. he began calling me names and swearing, in front of my daughter! i said "no! you cannot talk to me like that! especially in front of my daughter!"

then he yelled, "take me to your place and i'm driving away! you'll never use the car again, hahahaha you lost all that money on karate just now!" calling me names, swearing, going on and on about how i "take advice from those Al-Anon sickies on the web" but what i "really need is shock therapy." he continued to make threats all the way home, i continued to ask him to stop, as my daughter was crying. we got there and he almost drove away with my groceries!! i managed to get everything but her car seat out of his car. he was screaming and calling me the c-word the entire time. i finally cried, that word HURTS. he went on and on about how "i've never hurt you before, now you WILL get hurt" etc.

WTH is going on???? the only thing i can think of, besides he's obviously an alcoholic and drug addict, is that he went off his dilaudid suddenly this morning, because he couldn't afford it. i looked it up and it says never to go off it suddenly.

now he's out there, damaging his back, perhaps irrepairably - his discharge instructions insisted on NO driving for at least 7 days. he can't contact me except through his friend's phone. my imagination is going wild wondering what's happening, is he going to be ok, is he going to be paralyzed? and the worst part is i KNOW it's all his fault for acting like that - all i did was detach, detach, detach. i KNOW he has his own consequences. i KNOW he has to suffer more in order to get well.

i just love the guy, you know?

__________________
To know the darkness is to love the light,
to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> it's become too unmanageble