The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i think she is coming back to the area and i am having an anxiety attack about it..she has been miserable and down in the dumps now she wants to come back home
i am ready to pack up my stuff and move out of state if things get nasty again because ..hopefully...god i pray..i can not deal with this crap any longer..and thats a good thing
she is impossible..totally dependent and i guess so am i??
but really...i can not live like this anymore..or maybe i am just venting
my words and actions do not seem to coincide with each other and at this point i just feel like a fraud in a way
i keep saying i don't want to be with her..and i scream at her and tell her gently that this is not what i want then i take her back or things get back together or i answer the phone etc etc etc
so right now i feel like a fool
i am so sick of having to take care of what appears like a fourteen year old teenager..really it is just to much
please send any and all prayers my way because i feel like i am at the end of my rope with all of this
and i am as much to blame for this situation as she is...and i could just kick..kill..and destroy myself over all of this
its a wonder i haven't picked up a drug or a drink in three months over this crap but i feel like i am simply on my last leg of fighting resisting change and the such
I'e done geographics before. Needless to say I have very mixed feelings about them.
Personally I've had to surrender. When the A who I was with bothers me I turn it over to God. I'm no longer in charge. So I don't answer the phone. I gave him back to God. Whatever problems he has are between him and God and no longer any of my business. A year ago I would never have imagined the A could survive. I make a point of not knowing but he is not in jail I presume as he calls from his cell phone. I also make a point of not knowing where he is but he asks to come and see us so he is somewhere in the area. I used to take his phone calls cautiously. Now I go about my own business and let him go.
I wasn't always there. I 'm just writing to let you know it is possible to let go. You can do that There are steps to doing that and one is to detach. You can learn about detachment at www.coping.org