The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh the dizzy mood swings sure keep me going and I constantly appreciate the support, encouragement and hope I receive here. It is such a novel idea that al anon folks accept each other as we are right now even when we don't know ourself who we are and under constant change as we progress or slip or sink or sail. It sure is a warm soft fuzzy blanket to wear as we expose ourselves to this truth about ourselves. Thank you for helping me through my program inaction post earlier this week.
Starting to feel more alert now at the end of a week of lethargy and inactivity, I realize that yes, without sarcasm, I really was where I needed to be. The lethargy was from the energy of brain cells re categorizing & filing of old info. Change makes so many feelings & thoughts confused.
I am angry about minor things that can never be changed in the past since the loss of mom this summer. Loss of any kind reminds you of all the losses especially those not resolved or embraced and moved on through. As my functional AH's travel schedule picks up again, I am becoming more and more intolerant and angry for his absences. Yet, because as the years went by I had to get use to it and with the increase of chronic to acute A, I prefer the absence of AH & the related chaos. Now those are conflicting and crazy thoughts all stirred up with all the review of losses since both parents are now gone. Doesn't matter how old you are, when both parents are gone you feel like an orphan.
I have just been missing everyone and just plain angry about a lot of things all mixed up.
-- Edited by ddub at 02:03, 2008-09-13
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Grief is hard work. Both my parents are gone physically. Emotionally they were never there as parents, demanding mentally ill people yes, not as parents.
The loss of what never was is one of the harder ones.
It may be a good time to go find a nice spot and throw a tantrum, just like when you were a kiddo and life just wasn't going your way. It works for me and I need to practice it more often. Thanks for the share. I will have a real good one tomorrow just for practice.
Thank you for that honest post. I so feel your pain, however; mine was in the form of losing Daddy less then 7 yrs ago and Mother moving far away. Talk about feeling like an orphan!! Thank heaven for sisters, even though they too live miles away in other states our long distance service that is now unlimited is a HUGE blessing. Thank heaven for program friends and family. Thank heaven for neighbors and co workers who hug us and lend us an ear. Sweetie, there is always someone near by via prayers, program, online, our daily CAL readers our HP (whom I call God). What has helped me when I miss them so is knowing they have gone before me to patiently make a place for us there too. What a lovely reminder of how much we all need someone.
