The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just need to vent..talk..be somewhere..feel something..say something
the days seem to be getting a bit better..maybe my mind and aditude are clearing up
i lost my voice after a verbal fight.were i guess i tried to take my will back...or maybe my hp is telling me to shut up for now
my a thinks she is coming back..and no..i haven't cut off contact with her..really i don't know what to do so i am just trying to take it moment by moment even though the fear is something bad is gonna happen...maybe just a little more positive thinking could cure this negative thought
anyway..thats the thing..my thinking..need to clear it up as much as possible..start looking at the positives in my life as opposed to the negatives..and things that don't work
gratitude list is probably important for me..as is sunshine..music..art therapy and life
Charles: I was with the A I was with for 7 years. After I physically left him I did not cut off contact for a long time. In fact after I'd left him I went to help him because he was homeless and destitute (or so he said). I continued contact for a long time. I did however allow the program to work for me. I took the suggestion keep busy. I took actions daily to make my life better. Overtime I got better. I lessened the contact. I set limits, I relapsed back and forth for a long long time. My whole world was about him for a long long time. His welfare came before mine. I felt ridiculously over responsible for him.
Eventually over time I set more and more limits and I got better at setting them. I also got very very very busy.
I went to therapy, I went to meetings, I came here. I vented a lot. Then I got tired of venting. I got really tired of saying the same thing over and over. I set more limits. I stopped answering the phone, I went back to feeling I was responsible for him. I felt overwhelmed.
No one here is going to judge you.
You can however become very very busy with taking care of you. Your A might be inspired to get well herself. I would really urge you to read Getting them Sober I wish I had read it 7 years ago.
Keep busy and keep detaching. Detaching isn't screaming and shouting either or throwing the phone.
For me, when I'd get that 'rushing out of control" feeling, it helps to get really close to my program. Get to all meetings possible, do my daily readings, make the phone calls. When I neglect this, bad things HAVE happened. I behave in ways that I am far from proud of.
