The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been reflecting on the last few days and the topic of the "boomerang and the cops" sums it all up.
I posted a few days ago, asking for my higher power to give me the courage to put the needs of my son and myself first - to finally say to my AH - I love you, but I can't be with you anymore while you are actively drinking. My HP came through and my AH agreed to "leave". But he keeps coming back! The boomerang!
AH is increasingly depressed and says that he wants to die. He understands that it isn't good for him to be around our son. But he stays. Today, I left him a crisis hotline business card and suggested he call if he felt the need. So he did, talked about his desire to die, and then we had the cops! He refused real help, so they couldnt forcibly remove him.
I'm stunned, lost, trying hard to keep my boundary and ask for my HP guidance, trying to retain my compassion. Taking small steps toward not enabling continued drinking, but I keep falling over.
I can imagine its very hard to deal with a situation like that. The A was surely told of the options for counselling when he called. He must have heard some of it. He does have those options.
A's often create drama around them when we are pulling away. The A who I was with created merry hell when I was leaving him. I had however made a plan be. Do you have one? What will you do if you have to leave? Do you have a safety plan. As the cops have come out once if they come out again they may well take him on a 51/50 order but who knows.
How are you doing. What are you doing with your feelings. Can you go to the chat room here and talk about it, how about an online meeting. No one should be alone when the are dealing with what you are dealing with.
Plan Be's help a lot. Making one is a huge investment.
Hello Rocky , yep like boomerangs they keep commin back . I keep falling over ! Your human don't be so hard on yourself ,watching someone we love killing them selves slowly is not easy . I discovered early in this prog that they need us alot more than we need them , not something I needed to share with my husb but needed to find out for myself . It breaks my heart to hear a woman say she is weak , I dont think so we live thru this stone cold sober . I would like to suggest that the next time your husb comes home saying he wants to die ( common in A's ) is often a threat to get what they want , to be back home again , my husb told me in sobriety that he drank to die for 2 yrs and finally when it became to painful to contiue drinking he decided to try sober , he had been out of our home for 9 months at the time. that was 20 yrs ago this month. still sober. I don't know if your attending meetings for yourself if your not now I hope uwill consider doing so . they will help to understand a little more about this disease . u need support u will find it in our prog. Instead of a crisis line phone number try to find a number of an AA contact and the next time he comes looking for help , give him a hug and reasure him that he dosent have to live this way and give him the number . The choice is his we cannot do this for them . Allow them the dignity to live or die the way they choose is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life . I will be thinking of you and husb . good luck Louise
