The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ok so here's the deal. both my husband and i are alcoholics. from what it appears at the moment we are both alanons also. either way right now, the disease is alive and kickin in this relationship. i haven't had a drink in over 7 years. he drank a couple of days ago. after going into what felt like shock, i still feel like crap. i'm working the steps. step 8 right now. he's not. i'm afraid to trust. afraid of manipulation. just plain afraid, pissed, hurt and desperate to get recentered with my hp. i need to lighten up - but seem to have forgotten how. need to detach stay centered and quit being so defiant and cocky and .....i just don't know anymore.
My ex was also an alcoholic/addict, and in order for me to continue in my recovery (I went to rehab shortly after he got out), it was necessary for me to leave. He was violent, abusive, and psychotic.
He was buried last year at the age of 47 because he didn't want recovery.
Unfortunately, because I refused to address my codependency issues, I continued to engage in dysfunctional relationships.
I drank again after 4 years sober because my boyfriend at the time had relapsed after a couple of years sober, and I had completely lost myself in the relationship.
Today, 18 years later, he's still drinking and married to an active alcoholic.
Today, 18 years later, I am still sober. Thank God I only stayed out there for a couple of months before I got back into recovery.
Today, there is no one worth throwing away my hard-earned recovery over.
My focus must be on me and my recovery.
I also have two alcoholic daughters and Alanon has been a lifesaver for me.
(((((hugs)))))
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Hello and welcome ash , sorry about hubby but the truth is u don't have to go out with him . this is his trip leave it with him , please find yourself an f2f al anon meeting you need support , u don't say if u are attending AA for yourself also , If not perhaps this is a great time to aquaint yourself with the program , your sobriety must always come first , protect it at all costs . good luck and congratulations on your 7 yrs . Louise
Need to keep contact with your sponsor also and maybe look up some face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area and go for an Al-Anon sponsor. There are a ton of double winners in my area. Most Alcoholics including myself come from the disease. I drank alcoholically and tried like hell to maintain my alcoholic relationships (family and friends) along the way. That didn't work and one of first recovery task as given to me by my then sponsor was to separate myself from all things alcohol and that included my then wife. When I finally got that done my spirit soared and my life got more managable.
Keep coming back and asking for suggestions then pray for the courage to act them out.
Hate that you are dealing with this situation - it seems you may be feeling lots of the emotions that go with a relapse of your husband.
For me, I find I need some tools of the program to deal with those emotions - like suggested by others - journals, talking with my sponsor, attending meetings, reading literature and posting here - helps me deal with those feelings.
Glad you are reaching out for help - For me that is part of the hardest thing to do.
Wishing you Serenity, Joy & Love, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Well it sounds like you are in the program. Some experts suggest that all addicts are codependent. I think some may be too self absorbed to notice others but certainly I agree that many display a lot of the symptoms of codependence.
The steps are not worked the same in every program. The way we do the steps in Al anon is pretty different, same tool, different focus. We also use other tools like de-taching. Like every tool they need practice to get it right. Personally I practice very hard on de-taching otherwise I live sleep breathe over reaction.
Enmeshment is also something that is very common with codependents. We feel responsible for the whole world and irresponsible for our selves. How is your self care? Are you good at it? How do you do it. A lot of recovering alcholics never address nutrition, rest, relaxation, balance and more. We try to address those, not easy when a codependent is responsible for everyone else but themselves.
Thank you all soo much for your replies. It feels reassuring to know that I am pretty close to being on track. I started going back to meetings, calling a sponsor, and working the steps. I'm also doing the basics in the self care department although I could probably use some sprucing up right now. I have a two year old and I work full time. Balance well, that's definitely something to strive for. When the disease hits it's painful and stressful. I feel raw and defensive right now, trying to stay busy, pray a lot and not overreact, like I did yesterday morning. The fear, I believe, comes from not having family and old friends around. We moved to a new state two years ago and I guess it takes me a while to get to know people and trust them, especially with stuff like this. This is kind of pushing me out, although I do feel a bit home sick. Oh well.
