The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Seems more of myself is being revealed daily, and it ain't too pretty. Realizations of myself and the true acknowlegement that "nothing changes if nothing changes". I have been in absolute denial that I could possibly suffer from depression. You know, I don't want to be depressed, maybe this is just me. Maybe I am just more of ther "serioius" type. I've never known anything else. My parents died when I was young (7 and 11) and the person I devoted 25 years of my life to betrayed and discarded me. No pill or counselor is going to change my life experiences. I have always been a common sense and rational type, letting my head rule and really never giving my heart a vote. I was trained that way, and up until this point, it was a necessary survival tool for me.
So here I am now, and I don't like the "me" I am, and know something needs to be different. Sleep and exercise are two proven factors in fighting depression, and other than walking couple of nights a week, is something I have resisited. Maybe now I am ready? So I think I may have come to a couple of compromises that I can work with. Bed at 10, up at 5, and use the one morning hour before I get the kids up to feed myself through this program and getting my life in order (finances, laundry, etc). Then, twice a week, commit to working out for 30-45 minutes. There is a gym at one of the places I work. Not super convenient or fancy, but it is free, and is independent of the community I live in and the social connections that I really don't enjoy right now.
So, thus begins my new day. At this moment I feel grateful for the opportunity to start again.
Blessings, Lou
-- Edited by Loupiness at 09:51, 2008-09-09
-- Edited by Loupiness at 09:52, 2008-09-09
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I know for me, I have done the meds route and the only time it really really helped was after baby #3 when I found out about ex's first affair and life went crazy. That was my first bout of treating depression. I suffered thru a depression after baby #2 which lasted for about 2 years although I didn't recognize it as such at the time.
And today, with all of the losses I have gone thru, I have wondered if meds might be a good choice again. But, then I figured that anyone who had gone thru what I had would be sad and depressed. ANYONE going thru a divorce (especially a nasty one) will feel hurt and grieve, will have days of not being able to move off of the couch, will have crying jaggs that can last for hours, will lose their appatite, and some hair (lol!). I guess I figured out that my reactions to this ultimate life stress was pretty normal. So, I am non-medicated at this time.
Now, that might change at some point in the future. Who knows. I am not at all opposed as they really did help me when I was so down I couldn't see the light. What the meds never did is make the situation go away. Didn't make the dead come back to life or the unfaithful, faithful or the abusive , un abusive. Just helped me get moving on a better path.
I think you have some great ideas with the time for you and the excersise. Just remember (this is what I always forget) that if you miss a day or a week even you can go back and start again. Today, if I lose track of my plan, I don't beat myself up, I just figure that my body and heart were telling me to take a rest.
Like my drunk uncle used to say "When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm tired I sleep." He also said that it was perfectly fine to eat dessert first.....
Good philsophies...then again, he died of the disease at 55
Hi Lou, you are so right about the sleep /excersise thing. Dont let the negative side of your brain talk you out of it, mine tries so hard to stop me going out the door for a walk or jog, so I pretend to be deaf and go anyway!
I have a friend who shows up about every morning to go exercise, we have it set for her to come at 6 which is an hour before i get the kids up and get ready. Today and yesterday the only reason I got up and went was because she showed up. That can be a great help to have someone to do it with! A real person at the door is a lot stronger than the voice in my head.... :D
Also, when I first moved out I took antidepressants for about 3 weeks and it helped me pull thru getting done what had to be done until I could get it together in my head. I took antidepressants every year during the winter when I lived in WA too (one of my many reasons not to go back). Exercise in the AM really does give u energy to get thru the day and makes it easier to sleep and wake up on time. I try to do it every morning I work and one day off as well. I found a great website that I'm using to track my diet and exercise and have lost 15 lbs in the past 2 weeks. If you want it pm me and I'll send you the website.
Depression is real and I'm not making light of that but every time I focus on my work, me and have some accomplishnments that have Nothing to do with alcohol, him or "recovery" I feel good! ????
i take an over the counter supplement Sam-e and it helps. i think it tends to smooth out the rough periods. I believe its a pretty mild mood stabilizer. Personally I think that its okay to take medication, go to therapy, do whatever you need to provided its self affirming and throught through (I used to think yelling at the A was self affirming).
Cure is a hard word. I don't think I will be cured from living with an A for 7 years, come to terms with yes, but not cured I don't get the time back. I also don't think I'll be cured from an awful horrible traumatic childhood but better yes.
Don't be hard on yourself. I hope you will keep coming back here. You deserve support.
