I spent this weekend disposing of many wine & vodka bottles.  The most bottles I've seen in one location ever. 

I remember as a child, I lived in a newly built community and there were sections that were not developed due to being land locked, so I got to play in the woods, about 50 acres or so, but still in town, so the road close to my house was dirt, but it always seem to attract various bottles of alcohol, and trash haphazardly thrown from cars.  I always found this a part of society disgusting and rude.

I am one of a few people in society to not come from a broken home.  Alcoholism was not in my family, anywhere.  But I did learn later that my father told his father that he could no longer see my sister and I because of his alcoholism.  He lived across town, and I thought he was dead, as we were NOT to discuss him.  Forbidden.  When I was 16 I learned he actually died.  My father left to pick up the peices.  He never talked about it at all.  That was the extent of any alcoholism in my family that I know about.  My father used to drink a few beers with pizza, or might occasionally go to the bar, but I never smelled the stench of an acoholic, and I always thought of him as a very level  headed father who took care of his family, for which he did, financially, the best way he knew how.

I thought I found the woman of my dreams finally.  We got married in 6 months.  A month into the relationship she told me she is an alcoholic, and seemed to be very vocal and active in AA.  She really talked good about the program.  She was sober for a six months before I met her.  Things were going good, but I never have lived with an alcoholic.  A month ago she chose to get drunk.  She stopped after that night.  I could not believe the stench that comes from an alcoholic.  I never have experienced it.  I also never experienced the rage, and self pity that comes from it.  Last week she decided to start drinking, which turned into a week long "binge".  I tried to be accepting of her drinking sometimes.  She took it as a free for all.  She's told me in the past to pour out her alcohol, to get it away from her.  I did just that, although she bought like 4 bottles of vodka and had them stashed.  Friday, I had enough, and started pouring out the wine and vodka drinks.  She hated me for pouring out her drink, didn't want me to question what she was drinking.  I tasted vodka for the first time.  I almost puked.  Then she started hiding them in water bottles.  Then comes all of the blame for why she is drinking.  She blames everyone but herself.  It's goes from her dad (deceased) beating her up to her mother (living) for not "sincerely" apologizing for not protecting her.  For me not saying nice things to her when she thinks she deserves it, to how she can't have kids, to how her sister is running her life (only to learn she tells her sister she complains about me the same way).  She doesn't understand why I can't stay home and hold her alcoholic hand.  She wants me to be accepting of her drinking.  When she drinks she can't barely walk straight.

How many times does it take to say enough is enough before I seek a divorce?  This is a live I never imagined living.