The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know when I long for someone, it is a loneliness like no other, especially when I get nothing in return. ZIP! (It is then that I lose myr self-respect, and thus my self esteem.)
I do not know what it is to ‘long’ for anyone like many of you speak. When I was very young around 15 years of age or so, I used to long for any girl that looked my way. However, I think that longing was rooted in wanting to be like everyone else. I do long for the company of particular women I meet in my old age. My next door neighbor is an angel. I long to be with her. The presence of God or Love is strong around here, so it is like stepping into Love. However, that kind of longing is gleeful. If I lost company with my self as I am today, I would long for myself. Well, if I lost company with myself, how I know that I did? Most of me, but all of me lives in, around, and as Love. Some of me still fears. So, I do not long for anyone, like many of you do. I have enough physical disabilities, and am enough debilitated mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Longing for someone like many of you, would be me choosing to add just another one to that list. Yuck!
I do not know about your equation of self-discipline and respect equaling self-esteem. Yeww, I do not like the word discipline and self-discipline… a big yuck! It reminds of the nuns at the Catholic school that I went to when an abused child. I only know of you, wallsa from in here, but I can guess you had / have another meaning for the word other than the following
”1 : PUNISHMENT 2 obsolete : INSTRUCTION 3 : a field of study 4 : training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character 5 a : control gained by enforcing obedience or order b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior c : SELF-CONTROL 6 : a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity”
#3, is okay, I guess. However, #1… crap. “enforcing obedience”… more crap. “perfect”… perfect crap.
I am if I rained on your parade, I am sorry, I really am. It is just the word brings up so many bad memories.
I loved your posts. I too agree with that equation Wallsa...it works 4 me when I work it. But I have good self-caring feelings around self-discipline (the word) 4 me it means doing the next right thing and to be consistent about things that matter to "me", not everyone would C it that way though--so I totally can relate to Richard's yucky feeling, particularly if it brings up abuse memories.
Also, recovery for many of us means many different things...someone whose disease was to be unconscious about life & irresponsible to self and others, etc. may need more discipline in life for their recovery to work well; someone whose disease was more about being over responsible & controlling or fixing etc. might find recovery for them is about playing life more gently. I have run into that with many people in meetings--we all need to work on different things and at different times in our lives.
Thanks for everything you share,
Luv
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Hope you are out of the longing place today and into the self-esteem. You deserve it you work very hard in here and in life--i am sure. I liked your equation about discipline etc. I wrote back about it attached to Richards response. Take Care,
Luv
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Richard, I am so glad that you are one smarter than me, in the longing department. It IS just one more thing to add to my burden. Of course, now I see, that. Live and Learn. I enjoyed your posts...and I was too raised Catholic...but it was my Mom who was taught by the Nuns way back in 193? I sorta think I got the trickle down effect of that ...from my mom. (yuck!) Major resentment : (
