The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi I am so glad I found MIP, I have been reading the posts and gaining alot from them, to be honest I dont think I'd have got through the past few days without you. I havent heard from my bf since the phone call on Monday when he asked me to tell him it was over. He said he'd write to me that night, maybe the letter will arrive today. I'm worried for him, its all so sudden and out of character. Just need to know what brought this on. I feel like he's been taken over or something, dramatic I know but its not like him to do this. His recovery has got to involve change but on what level. I need to talk this through with him but am not going to turn up at his rehab and stress him out. Thanks for being there for me, I'm hurting so much but managing not to fall apart just yet.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Remember: it's a good thing that he's in rehab. What's the alternative for an addict who doesn't find recovery? Death? Jail? Not a happy thought. He's going through so much. Lots of self discovery, etc. Not an easy thing to do. I've always said that if I was an addict, I'm not sure I could have the courage and strength to recover.
Having said that, now's the time to take care of you. Your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if he chooses sobriety/recovery or not. It's about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve. It's about living strong. Leave his recovery up to him and you focus on yours. MIP was a life saver for me. Now that my Tim is gone, I feel I have a duty to continue to offer my love and support as you all did for me while he alive and now gone. I couldn't have made it this far without you and this program. You'll be okay. Try and get to some f2f meetings. They are helpful. Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks Karilynn your reply means alot to me, and your right I should take comfort from the fact that he is in rehab, the alternative doesnt bear thinking about. This week has been so hard and I'm so isolated it's like being in limbo. I hate all this pain, I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. I just want to know WHY?? I can be really strong when needed but am so down right now. I really need some answers but doesnt look like I'll get them soon. The letter I've been waiting on hasn't arrived and that hurts. Finding MIP and identifying with so many of the posts has opened my eyes to so many things. I feel like I've seen myself in a mirror and for the first time recognised me and my behaviour. I know I was brought to this to learn and I will keep coming back. I need to work this out. I thank you again for being there.
It's okay to fall apart. Your HP has you and so do we. Sometimes falling apart is like letting go and letting God. That is what I did. It was a surrender a hitting bottom a being alone and powerless and that was okay...a first step up.
Canadian guy has a good post on that his sponsor suggested he focus on the "what" rather than the "why". I focused for years with my exA on the 'why' I could blame his mother, the military (he is a veteran), his job (he always had a difficult job but funnily enough I was never allowed to have one.
Who knows why he is acting like he is. I think we have all told you the AA suggestion is to actually not make any major changes in the first year (Al anon suggest something similar). Many people when they get into recovery look for a scapegoat. I know I've been scapegoated plenty I have also done my share of blaming others for things that they had nothing to do with.
The good thing is you are here and you are working on you. I sometimes think that it took me having an awful horrible experience with an A to bring me to al anon and I'm so glad I got here. I'm not glad about how I got here but I'm glad I'm here.
