The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have to admit that I was very nervous about how things were going to work out with my AH moving back in. I had accepted that he was going to keep drinking and quite when he chose to do so. I was able to do that because I have put so much work into my program. I do have my eyes wide open, watching what he does and not so much listening to what he says. Here is one example, he says he wants to stop drinking, but buys a new bottle. I fully expected this. Especially since when he said he wanted to stop drinking to not be surprised if he falls, and I told him that I have no expectations. I would try to support him anyway. (That is the best I could honestly offer to him) I really only want to be honest in our situation. It is pretty hard for me because my past behavior was me always trying to shield him from stressful things, like past due bills. I would try to move money around to pay them down without him knowing but then money would be "missing", so the attempt would back fire on me. Always causing more stress. But I did it repeatedly hoping something would be different and guess what, it wasn't. So I know that I need to deal with things differently. Bills are reality and he has to deal with it, now how he deals with it is up to him. I will do my best to protect my interests. I also have to say that I don't think I could have done this without also getting, much needed anti depressants (that's just me, not a suggestion, I suffer from major depression). I had not been on medication for about 2 years, because of my brain cancer and being on chemo and then having surgery in January. So when I got the ok to go back on meds, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I then began my therapy and med treatment. I was also working my program during all of this too. Over the past 5 months I have had to deal with so many problems within my family that I just don't know how I actually reached this point in my life.
I know the support of my Alanon family, the ability to post on here, reading the literature that I have been given by my Alanon friends and therapy have been the things that have helped me the most! But above them all is my HP! Who I know has never left my side, not once!!! This is a new begining and I have no expectations except to take care of myself and my dog, and my cats and my step son. Not in that oreder, haha! Well me first, because if I am not healthy then I can't take care of anybody else. Thank you all for your ESH's, they were truly helpful for me.
Try reading your post as if it was written by someone else and see if you come up with the same perception. If I had let it that post would have overwhelmed me and it dosesn't because it's not mine. It reminds me of my enabling characteristic "I can". If I don't watch myself and review my self inventory I will compulsively get into the "I cans" I can and will do this and this and this and that and this and the more the better. A early sponsor who helped me to think before doing the "I can" reaction gave me the ability to think for a few seconds before saying "I can". He said maybe you can...but should you?
You can have some expectations. The alcoholic is back in the house. The alcoholic is back in the house with a bottle. The alcoholic is back in the house with a bottle and the same character and behaviors as before. What goes around comes around.
Keep coming back. Yours in love and service. (((((Hugs)))))
