The material presented
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level.
Hi~ I need some thoughts on whether you think I am in the right place. My father was an alcoholic growing up. There are many, many memories of embarassment, shame, anxiety, anger and denial. On the outside, it was all denial. I smiled through every embarrassing moment just as my mother did. She was like a politician's wife, smiling at whatever he did or said; in public that is. At home it was the opposite. As an adult, my father no longer drinks and he is a wonderful, calm, loving man. I forgive him for the past and am so thankful he is who he is today. I have so much to share but don't want to bore my readers with my latest dramas. In a nutshell, I have experienced many losses in the past four years, all to Cancer. I was the main caregiver to two of them and very closely related to the other two. My family has been through so much and I have been the rock through it all. My friends have worried because they did not see me "deal" with any of it. Now things are back to "normal" and I have fallen apart (on the inside). It has been a year since the last death and I have become very detached. I am not enjoying life as I should. I have 3 precious children who need me to be "present" in their lives. I smile when I should, laugh when I am supposed to but I am not truly there. I have now begun some self destructive behaviors. My therapist says that I have years and years of denial and detachment rooted from my childhood. For me to reach this depression I need to first go there. Ugh!! If you saw me, you would never know what I am feeling inside. I am happy, bubbly and very personable. My mother and sister are the same way. None of us ever allow ourselves to "go there". So, in your opinion, is ALANON where I belong?
Sus, I think al-anon is worth checking out. While you may choose not to work our program, its certainly worth looking into. We say: please attend at least 6 meetings (face to face meetings) before you decide if the program fits with you or not. These meetings can be different meetings because each group has its own "feel" to it even though we all pretty much follow the same format.
I think you will find that our program works really well. I understand about the smiling through it all. I know that denial. I agree with your therapist and I am glad to hear that you have a good therapist, did s/he recommend al-anon to you?
Denial runs very deep in my family and with my mom and sister also. I just want you to know that I can relate to what you are saying and I came from an alcoholic home also. You are not alone and I recommend that you keep coming back here and find some meetings and give our program a try. hugs, J.
My father was an alcoholic growing up. There are many, many memories of embarassment, shame, anxiety, anger and denial.
Susannah,
Welcome to MIP. I know all of those feelings quite well. I am also beginning with a new therapist. Most of my siblings and mother are still in denial. They just do not want to think that what we went through as children and young adults has caused us any problems today. There was no physical abuse but all of the things mentioned above were enough. I use to think that I could not be affected that much because there was no physical, sexual or even emotional abuse. My therapist picked up right away in my evaluation that I totally feel judged all the time. I never even thought about that until he mentioned it. I never knew anyone else that had a father that drank all the time. My life was filled with anxiety all the time trying to keep "THE SECRET". The embarrassment of running in to him on the streets while out with friends was terrible. I was just never relaxed and able to grow in a normal and relaxed atmosphere like I saw all of my friends live in. It even hurts to think about it now. So....how can all those feelings not affect who you are today.
I hope you can find help here and also there is a forum for ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) although it is not as busy as this group.
Sounds like al anon and ACA might help. Give yourself some time. I know I want to be super woman too and am to a large extent. At the same time I work on a program, go to therapy and more.
I think I will give alanon a try. Yes, my therapist did suggest it to me. Actually, she mentioned AA. I do drink socially and sometimes I dring more than I should (in social environments). This is part of my self destructive behavior I mentioned before.I haven't been my typical responsible self. I have always been so aware of my alcohol intake because of my background. I never want to go down the same path my father did. My childhood friend who now lives in New York is a recovering alcoholic and is so excited that I am interested in the program. She doesn't believe AA is where I belong because I have always been so controlled and conscious w/ my drinking. She says I am co dependant and have always been. So she suggested Alanon. So here I am. I don't know what to do now though. Where do I go from here? Thanks for listening
Welcome. Anyone who's been bothered or affected by another's drinking qualifies for this fellowship!
When I first attended Alanon (face to face meetings - I highly recommend them), the only thing I could latch onto was the Preamble from my group meeting. It made me feel like I belonged and so I shall share it with you.
As an aside, I am the child of a dead alcoholic and his drinking seriously affected my life long term. Please, on behalf of your beautiful children, do everything and anything possible so that they won't grow up feeling the way you do now because they truly are powerless now.
AL-ANON FAMILY GROUP
Will you join me in a moment of silence, followed by the Serenity Prayer.GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
We welcome you to the Al-Anon FamilyGroup and hope that you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy.
We who live, or have lived with the problem of alcoholism understand as perhaps few others can. We too were lonely and frustrated, but in Al-Anon we discover that no situation is really hopeless, and that it is possible for us to find contentment and even happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
We urge you to try our program.It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity.So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place the problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives
The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas. Without such spiritual help, living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us.Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.
The Al-Anon program is based on the Twelve Steps (adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous), which we try, little by little, one day at a time, to apply to our lives, along with our slogans and the Serenity Prayer.The loving interchange of help among members and daily reading of Al-Anon literature thus makes us ready to receive the priceless gift of serenity.
Al-Anon is an anonymous fellowship. Everything that is said here, in the group meet-ing and member-to- member, must be held in confidence. Only in this way can we feel free to say what is in our mind and hearts for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon.
The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems.We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization or institution; does not engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any cause.There are no dues for membership.Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions. Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.
The group conscience requests that all present refrain from gossip, dominance, discussion of religion, treatment centers, other self-help programs, counseling and the use or mention of any material other that Al-Anon conference approved literature.
Please remember that in Al-Anon we keep the focus on us, not on the alcoholic. Thank you for your cooperation in our group effort to stick to Al-Anon principles.
1. Lets go around the room and introduce ourselves- first name only.
2. Are there any newcomers? . If there are- we suggest that you try at least six (6)different meetings before deciding if Al-Anon is for you.Is there anyone who would be willing to talk to the newcomers after the meeting?
At the end of the meeting, read either the long or short closing.If anyone is willing to be a temporary sponsor please raise your hand
CLOSING
In closing, Id like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.Take what you liked and leave the rest. The things you heard here were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and the confines of your mind. A few special words to those of you who havent been with us long: whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too.If you keep an open mind, you will find help.You will come to realize that no situation is too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. We arent perfect - the welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you.After a while, youll discover that though you may not like all of us, youll love us in a special way - the way we already love you. Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another.Instead let the understanding, love,and peace of the program grow within you one day at a time.
SHORT CLOSING
Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.
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Finally check out our Frequently Asked Questions at the top of this message board for where to go to for meetings next.
Keep coming, you (and your children) are worth it, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
