The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi I'm still reeling from being asked by my partner to end our relationship.Before he went into rehab we were all good. I think now I've been really stupid. He's a great guy and really didnt plan on hurting me. I feel bad that I could of have messed up his recovery. Thank God he's got the strength to do the right thing. Its killing me, I havent spoken with him since, I cant or wont call him as I dont want to stress him out. He's trying so hard to recover. I'm expecting a letter off him today. I feel bad he's the one who's working so hard to recover and trying to cope and I'm angry at him and his programme. All of this has opened up so many bad feelings for me. I feel worthless. Untill this week I new very little about the 12 Steps or being codependent let alone realised I was one. Everything hurts. I'd stayed single for seven years after my last relationship ended in trauma. When I met my new partner I was good and healthy on lots of levels, all that just spun out within months. I can see now how fragile I am. I feel like I've wanderd into a nightmare, I feel ashamed for not knowing better and for being so nieve. I just wanted a happy healthy relationship, I thought I had one, what is wrong with me? I believe everything happens for a reason, I think I have to learn this lesson I can see the positive in this but I also feel so down I could give up right now. I'm scared
Mariner, welcome to MIP! I am glad you are here and I think this is the right place for you. I am sure that in no time you will receive responses sharing our own experiences that may be similar to yours. We are all here to help support one another. It sounds like you are fairly new to this and that's ok, I am just glad you are reaching out here. We also have meetings on here twice a day 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. EST, M-F and meetings on Sat. and Sun. too. The way you are feeling sounds like you are reeling from the sudden change in your relationship, like shock. I feel that you are feeling like anybody might if they had the same shock. I urge you to read some of the other posts on here and see that some us have had a similar story as yours. Keep coming back and hope to see you in a meeting or 2 soon.
i dunno that any of us mess up anyones recovery. We believe in the three C's, can't control it, can't cure it and didn't cause it. Nothing but nothing you did made him drink!
Can you get the book that's offered above on this site, Getting them Sober. I think its a godsend.
Please think about getting yourself help, counselling, go to meetings. You have nothing to do with his alcoholism at all!!!!!
You can get back up on your feet. Many of us have. Sometimes it is pretty hard going but really it does get better!
Don't give up! "You didn't know what you didn't know" and that's why you are here now. We don't learn everything all at once. Consider this journey an education that takes years and years. You build a foundation first and then you begin to put a house on that foundation. The house is big and heavy so the foundation must be first and must be strong.
I have faith that you can do it. I also learned that when I don't know what to do to not do anything. You don't have to make any decisions right now.
Keep coming, you are worth it, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
