The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So long time no see once again. I just wanted to say hi and let everyone know how things are going for me and my family. The kids are all back in school, everyone is in the grade that they should be in and in fact the oldest daughter who was held back in the 8th grade last year is in high school (thanks to my pestering of the principal) and in all honors classes.
I thought this was a good story to share and seems so recovery related...
So daughter and I went to the open house at the HS and she wanted to change her schedule because she was supposed to be in honors english (nevermind the fact that she was held back and should have still been at the middle school). So we talked to the office and were supposed to come back the next day for schedule changes.
That morning I'm doing five different things and ask her to cook me some food (she's already making the same thing for herself) and she starts in with her moaning and groaning. This escalates into a yelling match and I tell the only thing I HAVE to provide for you is shelter and food if you continue to act this way I'm not taking you and she says well that's fine I'll just be in the class with the (word debilyn doesn't like) and it'll be easy. So I say ok. That's it just ok. Then I get the other two kids together and leave. I get 1001 voicemails and im's about what a horrible mother I am and how I'm ruining her life....
So then before the end of the week she has gone to the office, changed her entire schedule and now has ALL honors classes (EVEN MATH!!!!!). And has changed her "teen living" class to dance and drama classes. She is VERY excited about this and very vested in proving that she can get straight A's in all honors classes. It's because she did it herself! She is so proud that she got them to give her these classes despite the fact that she slid in there by the skin of her teeth. She's determined to prove that she can do this. It's funny but sometimes encouragement doesn't work nearly as well as challenging ability to get someone motivated. She's out to prove her mom wrong AND I HOPE SHE DOES!!! I tried "you can do it" for so long, seems like you can't do it is working a lot better. I used to tell her I expect straight A's and she'd say I can't do it it's too hard. You're stressing me out by saying that and it makes me fail. Now I really honeslty feel that it's time for her to be in control of her own life (in school anyway) and choose her own destiny.
The best thing was that all it took was me detaching and saying I'm done doing things for you. It's your life, if that's how you want to live it then fine.
As for the other two, they both have great teachers and are very happy at school.
And for me...still single...accepting the fact that as long as I live here I'm not going to find a man who is worth my time and even more important, realizing that my time is too valuable to waste on someone who isn't of any substance. So I'm back on my diet and exercise regimen been at it a week and lost 10lbs. This time I have a friend doing it with me. Great motivation! Life is good, peaceful, calm, I finally have ONE GOOD FRIEND here!
congratulations on the long hard really lots of grafting, detaching, looking at your side of it, self esteem building work you are doing and what you have done to get to this point it is incredible! Your children are lucky to have a mother who is willing to work on yourself. I have not ruled out finding a partner, I've just ruled out being rescued, or rescuing. I've also ruled out that I will find them tomorrow. I am "willing" to look for someone with mutual interests.
I admire your commitment to weight loss. I know you quit smoking so I am sure you can do that too. Maresie.
Wow, CG! Look what has happened and you have accomppished in your life! I am amazed, I really am! Your story was just what I needed to hear. It's proof of "it works if you work it", that is for sure.
I also just read your response to CoDe about how you got out of your head and fully immersed in recovery. I thought that was great, and I want to copy down that prayer.
Congratulations on your daughter moving ahead to conquer the honors classes. Who'd of thunk, huh? While of course she is fully responsible for making decisions and carrying them out, we all know that it is the changes you made as well as your love of her that made it all possible.
Way to go, CG. Have you ever heard of the book, the "Love List"? Apparently it discusses writing down all your hopes and dreams for a partner (not the superficial stuff, but the stuff that counts) and that by putting it out there you will attract it into your life. I think you are on a roll, CG, and should give it a shot.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
