The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ESH is that it seems to me that if I were asking these questions, I would be demonstrating a fairly intense focus on the A, not on myself. Yes, it may be true that they mail a letter. Its their amends, they get to do whatever they feel is appropriate. its their business and its their choice to conduct themselves as they see fit when making amends. What is my concern is my own amends and the ways in which I choose to make amends.
Sponsors can have a deep influence. We have no control over this. Again, this is between the A and their sponsor and is none of our business. What is our business is what is happening between us and our own sponsor.
"what if" scenarios are a sign of my disease. When I am riddled with "what if's" I know I am in trouble and its time to stop and take a look at myself. Hugs, J.
Sponsors are guides thru the program and steps they help u get your life back on track , support your efforts- no one has the right to tell u what to do as a sponsor I like to point out options and leave the decission to sponcee . I don't know what u mean by do *they* write letters to make amends . Amends are a personal thing and certainly not done by a sponsor. Occasionally someone we owe amends to lives to far away for us to do a f2f and a letter is totally acceptable , just my opinion. Sounds like your taking alot of info from someone who isn't attending meetings , perhaps if u can find time to make f2f meetings yourself u will find the answers.
You've already got some good feed back from the other two members who have worked this program hard, smart and for awhile. For me the very hardest thing I had to learn in early program was not to go into places I knew nothing about and therefore should not have been trying to figure out or redirect. This is coming from a man who told his wife that he didn't think she was an alcoholic after she was attending AA meetings...so she stopped attending meetings and went back out again. Just from my best wishes for you and your alcoholic...don't go there. Go to your own meetings and start your own recovery. You might not know yet what you need to recover from and would you wish to learn?
Jean and Abbayl are an example of members who helped me save my butt.
I don' t know anyone who's written a letter. We have our own amends issues. I make amends in all kinds of ways. One is not to bother someone if they have said they do not want to address issues with me. That is an amend, I 'm not sure I could have done that in the past.
For me the focus has to be on me. One of my issues used to be about my ex husband (who is now an alcoholism counselor) he didn't make any kind of an amends with me. I used to have such resentment towards him. Now I don't. Doing a 4th step for me helped with that.
The issue is if we are working our own programs we get far less invested in how the A works their programs. Maresie.
