I need help please-Falling into depression - Al-Anon Family Group

confuzed · Newbie

I need help please-Falling into depression

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Ge the book that is offered above by Canadian Guy. Getting them Sober will certainly explain the dis-ease element to it. I can't recommend anything else highly enough.

maresie.

SLS · Senior Member

Welcome to MIP and to Al-Anon.

I would recommend that you find a face to face meeting in your area and see if the program is for you. You will also find alot of support on this board from folks who are living or have lived the same way that you are--you are not alone!!

Al-Anon teaches the friends and family of acoholics how to live "happy, joyous and free" whether the A is drinking or not. We learn the 3 C's: we didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. The program helps us to focus on ourselves, to identify the role we play in the dysfunction and to change our our behavior. Because we believe that alcoholism is a family illness, the family relations has to change if we change. We are partners with the A in a dance and until we change up our steps or stop dancing all together, the insanity will continue.

Hang in there and keep coming back!!

Yours in recovery,

SLS

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear confuzed,

You wrote "Needless to say I am very very sad now." and mentioned falling
into depression as part of your subject topic. All of this is very understandable.

I too live with a high functioning A who when drinking starts, continues excessivly due to high tolerance until he passes out on the couch. Over the past year of my time with al anon, it is less crazier for me as I am focusing more on myself and self care. Self care to alleviate depression includes taking care with better sleep, eating 3 meals, getting outside in some sun and exercise if only a walk. Just this minimal self care can help someone depressed to deal with the ups and downs of life alot easier. And when we live with an A, there are high ups and low downs for sure. It is hard to stay sane when we live with insanity.

Keep coming back and there is lots of support here plus at a f2f meeting.
Take care of yourself and find a meeting as part of your self care.
Check here for meetings in your area:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

hugs, ddub

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

confuzed,

Thanks for your share. Keep coming back. This disease is cunning, baffling, and it is a family disease. It really is not about us but about alcoholism. Go to meetings, read the literature, and focus on yourself.

In support,
Nancy

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

(confuzed) All of us have simular stories, yours is almost a mirror image of mine. Don't beat yourself up. You handled your situation with the A the best you knew how. Never feel guilty about something that is our of your control. The Al-Anon program is about you and taking care of you. In Al-Anon you will find the tool to help you live with the Alcoholic in you life whether she it still drinking or not. I mentioned you will learn how to take care of yourself first. Sounds selfish doesn't it? It is not, and you will realize that as you experience this great program.

Thousands have used it world wide to improve and make their life better. I am certainly one of those, and you can be also. Take the suggestions from the members above to start attending f2f meetings. That was the single most important decision I made because my life got and continues to improve as I grow in this program. There is also a wealth of information on this site you can obtain by typing a topic of interest into search at the top of this page. Keep coming back here and posting to receive ESP (experience, strength, and hope) from members of this board. No one here or at f2f meetings will ever tell you what you should do, but they will share with you what worked for them.

Man Hugs, RLC

confuzed · Newbie

Thank you to all that have responded. I know I am not alone. I do understand the disease BUT what I don't understand is the effects the disease has on a relationship. All I know is that she is getting help not just for her alcoholism/xanax addiction but for many other issues. The therapist has told her she is in an abusive relationship after only meeting with her 2 times. I would imagine that as more time goes on and treatment ensues that the truth of the matter will surface. I know I have said some pretty horrible things and maybe violated some privacy as i was only trying to get to some truths.
It is the codependent in me that hurts.It is affecting too many things in my life.
There is a part of me that says just forget it-move on..There is alot of fish in the sea. But after 2.5 years and there are children involved-i guess the best thing is to take a step back and just see what happens. I need to take care of myself.
And for the recode I am seeking professional help myself and just started taking antidepressants.
So again Thank you to all and I will visit frequently for support..

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

There is a part of me that says just forget it-move on..There is alot of fish in the sea - confuzed

I had thought that in the past too but unless we deal with ourselves we find our sevles in similar situations only the people have changed. You can begin to heal yourself in the situation you are in, right now.

When you go to a face to face, you will get a beginner's packet of pamphlets. Also get the ones called: The Merry Go Round Called Denial and A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic. These 2 pamphlets helped me the most to see what I was doing that was counter productive & what I could do to empower myself to stop enabling because it happens to us insidiously & behave in ways we would not normally. You can also purchase them at www.al-anon.alalteen.org You will also be able to find local meeting thru that site/link.

In our chat room we have 24/7 chat and two daily meetings, if you ever want to talk to someone. This program is for us to recover and get emotional health. Check out the books mentioned, get to a meeting, talk to people, you will find you are not alone and it can get better. Anything is worth a try, right?

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.