The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
She got the call today that the insurance company totaled her car. I know what a blow that was to her.
It was her first car, just bought in November of last year and she made her monthly payments on it.
Wouldn't you know she has decided, just since I've plunged into college, she wants to get her GED now and attend the Xenon School (cosmetology) in Wichita. She even contacted Xenon about more information.
There's a part of me that does hurt for her because I know how hard it is, and I have hugged her several times today and told her we will get through this, as with anything else.
She cried and cried. This is a huge loss for her, and I pray she learned something from it. I just don't know yet.
She didn't need to be reminded of the series of poor decisions she made that led up to the accident. She's hurting enough.
She laid down for a bit of a nap as she cleaned barns/paddocks this morning, and has to go to work at 5.
Back to the books for me, and then my sponsor will pick me up for AA tonight.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I think its so interesting how the A's copy us sometimes- like you mentioned when you went back to school she "decided" to pursue school, too. This mirroring is kind of fascinating; sounds like you just loved her through it- you did not fix, you did not rescue, good for you (and for her, ultimately). I know my ex AH also wanted to return to school and complete his undergrad degree as soon as I got back into school. Before that he could have cared less. Hugs, J.
Maria, that was the biggest difference for me- I did feel compassion for her, but took care of myself.
The sad fact is now she realizes she may still end up owing the bank, depending on the final amount decided once the insurance company goes over the vehicle and researches going prices on that make/model in this area.
They will look at the current condition of the car as far as the interior.
It's a pig sty, and that will knock off probably $500 or more on the value just because of that.
Even if the bank loan is paid off, she won't be able to get another car for a long time.
She's burned too many bridges.
One of the loan officers at the bank told her that she wanted to make clear it was imperative she not bounce any checks nor be overdrawn in her account before she went to bat for the AD in front of the loan committee.
The committee agreed to the loan for her without a co-signer, which is unheard of for a 19 year old first-time car owner.
She's been chronically overdrawn for over three months now, and I know the bank will not give her another loan.
She's going to have to find a job she can walk to now.
I have had to sit back and let her make her own mistakes.
That's the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a parent.
I just pray she doesn't have to end up face down in the dirt and close to death before she hits her bottom like I did.
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
