The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
tough week..and some good..by the end of it...today..my a packed up and moved back to detroit..indefinitely..but right now deffinitely gone
the boundaries i put up and just me going to meetings and getting stronger and more clear helped to push this relationship in what looks like a healthier aspect...with her being gone
i am proud of myself for the work i have done...and even though she is gone right now i know i need to continue on my path of recovery
obviously i will have to deal with a whole new set of challenges and circumstances and issues..but for right now...for this moment..for today..i feel a sense of freedom and almost an entitlement to give myself a pat on the back
i have been working with my higher power...asking for guidance...forgiveness strength power and serenity...and some of my prayers are being answered and i must say that this an action program and i have been taking some specific actions..letting go and letting god...using boundaries as a way to keep my side of the street clean and basically not cowtowing down to the whims of others as i once did
so i would jut like to thank everyone here who has helped and inspired me
the work i feel is just beginning but i will continue to do my best as i continue down this new path of sobriey..emotional sobriety and recovery
you are right... the work is just beginning... for me, the really really HARD work didn't come till after I was physically apart from my Awife. that was so hard because it required me to find out why I did things, why I resented, why I codepended, why... I had to ask myself, why? the question that we cannot ask our A-partners without becoming insane... why? because my thinking, my knowledge, my skills, my toolbox; I found to be lacking in these areas to keep me having a healthy relationship.
that is the hard work i had to come through... but that is not right now...
YOU, charles, are doing the right things... you see them working... if I was your sponsor, I'd tell you to keep it up and be careful of letting "complacency" sneak in to your program.
i'm proud of ya, man... you CAN find that better life...
((manhugs)) cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
and..like said...even though my a is away i still feel that i am not out of the frying pan in the sense that..yes..i still need to work my programs and see what it is that makes me tick..what keeps me down..why do i go to those relationships and why do i sell myself short
i may be away from her..physically...but mentally and even psycically i feel i am not out of it and not yet safe
i spoke with her this morning..just to show you..and myself..that there still is a connection..all though i am glad there has been a change
an action program..a life program..yes yes yes
i woke up this morning feeling a bit angry nd unsettled..i pryed for forgiveness strength and hope and courage and also prayed for the two woman who have been in my life for the past three or four years
i wrote and read some serenity prayers and the such
but again..i feel like there is so much more to do to get me on the right path..or at least deeper into the right path
i am sad and scared and even though my a is away i still feel a sort of tie with her..a sort of guilt about things and i need to just have faith...today..that i am following my higher powers will for me and using it in all of my affairs and i need to realize that even though i may project a certin lifestyle or certain things to be done it is only in this moment and in this day..right now..that i can breath a sense of relieve and know that i am doing all the right things for myself as well as others
it is life..this is life and i can not control it and wish not to...just want to have a good day
I think it is very significant that you know that the A being gone is just the begining. For me it was just scratching the surface. I am one year plus out and I am still very much in survival mode.
