The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So the other night my mom called and said she was too tired to watch my son for my meeting. She then kept asking me if I would take him with me, as it would be too late, etc. Tries to guilt trip me. I did not answer her and did not answer the phone after that. I did take my son to the meeting as I needed a meeting bad that day. He has been before with no problems at all the next day. He is 7 and had stayed up the night before late (just couldn't get to bed) and this would also be a late night for him. He was very good in the meeting. Stayed in the other room and played quietly. The next day, he did fall asleep in class. I felt very bad that he was that tired, but knew also it was because of two days of late nights that contributed, so I did not beat myself up. Needless to say, I heard it from my mom and my sister. Then my sister offered to watch him in the future, but I guarentee this will not happen. She always falls through on things. I also get to hear, did you do this, does he(son) have that ready for school? - like I am an incompetant mom. So lately I have limited my time over there.
I also got a call from my bf today. We are having a get together at our AA and Al-Anon meetings tonight (they are held in the same building) and everyone brings something to eat. He had told his group that we would bring a roast and side dish. My bf loves to grill and cook and so he was very excited to do this - plus he said it would give him something to do to keep busy as he just got laid off. This takes at least 3 hours to cook on the grill plus he was going to make a side dish. Well, behold, his best friend, the almightly called, and they are "working" a little today. He told me yesterday that he would be home in plenty of time to make something else for the meeting. Well, this morning he called and said he would not being cooking the roast. I told him he made a commiment to bring something and had I have known that he would not being following through, I would have made something last night. He said he would be home in time to make something else, yadda yadda yadda. This makes me mad, because he had an obligation and he is not doing what he says. Then I thought, this is not my problem. I did not promise his AA group that I would bring anything. He did. I did not make a promise that I will break. He will. I will not dissapoint his fellow members, he will. Its just a little party, but too me it is the principle. If I have to, I will go to the store and pick something up from me, but I would have rathered made something had I known. Lesson Learned I guess.
That is good recovery. I also was taught to inventory the responsibilities and the responses and then use the tools of detachment with love. After a while it became natural to do and I didn't have to ride the emotional rollercoaster at all over it. That was freedom from insanity and a blessing. Keep practicing your recovery and earning your consequences. He will handle his okay and HP will be there constantly.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. (((((hug)))))
Classic, I cannot tell you how many times I fell for that one myself!!! HA! Good work detaching and its all true- you do not need to cover for anyone but yourself! Isn't it great!!! hugs, J.
The A who I was with let me down so many times. Christmas was always awful. That is one reason why I absolutely refuse to rely on anyone at holidays anymore. I plan on me nothing else. I may have to do that for a while then venture out slowly.
I find it hard going not to be involved in other people's responsibilities. One thing I do is to keep tremendously busy. I have to say that really helps. I have to do lists up to my ears and goals goals goals and more goals.
I find that busyness the ultimate distraction otherwise I would be out there taking care of everyone and everything.
