somebody stop me!!!!!!!!! - Al-Anon Family Group

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

somebody stop me!!!!!!!!!

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Make a plan be, work on that till it comes out of your ears.

maresie.

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

(((((gailey))))), I just hate it when stuff pushes my buttons like this. Especially when it's UN JUST!!!!!

Talking about it helps, I mean here or in meetings, where it's safe.

Really considering what my options are helps.

Thinking of what I could do if I didn't have to worry about my job sometimes helps - then I can, say, write a furious but fact-laden letter, and then trash it or burn it.

Breathe.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Gailey!!

That sooo reminds me.... But then came program with detach and focus on
myself and my responsibilities and stopping the blame and justifications and
all those other tools that gave me back my peace of mind and serenity. Right
now it seems that who she is and what she is doing and not doing owns you.

"Owns me"!!! I hated that term. Thinking back about how I let what the
alcoholic did and not do and what she should have been doing and not doing
and what values she should have been following and etc etc. did own me
mind, body, spirit and emotions. It couldn't happen without my permission
so another way of looking at it was that I was giving myself away to the
problem, not taking care of my own responsibilties and feeding my own
addictions.

You can stop anytime you please.

(((((hugs))))) smile

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

i read a book recently written by an addict and commented on it some here. One of the things he recounts is that in one recovery center he was at there was a sign "It isn't fair"

We tend to live by that and want to make it "fair". I dont think life is "fair" but of course as an active codependent I let that eat me alive. When I am detached it doesn't.

Detachment takes practice, lots and lots and lots practice. I don't think it comes overnight but practising helps.

Maresie.

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

Maresie, you hit the nail on the head for me!

Life isn't fair, and when I start demanding that it should be fair, well, my attitude goes to hell in a handbasket!

I worked in a situation similar to that, only I worked for a couple, a vet, and his wife, who was the certified tech.

I loved that job the first year, but things really started to go downhill.

When I first started, we had a dress code. We had polo shirts with the clinic emblem on it, and nice jeans. No shorts, no sandals, no tshirts.

That second year the boss's wife decided that applied to non-family employees only.

I ended up being caught in the middle of their marital problems, I was having trouble scheduling clients because I was NOT a certified vet tech, and some procedures required that, and the wife had started coming and going as she pleased.

I was in a pressure cooker from 8 am - 5 pm.

God took care of that for me because they let me go shortly after I had been there two years.

Was I hurt? You bet. Now I can look back and see it was the best thing that could have happened to me because things just kept snowballing, and there was nothing I could do about it except work my job and wait for the next bomb to drop.

There is no perfect job out there, I have yet to have a job where everything was fair, though a couple have come close.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (other people)
The courage to change the things I can (me and my attitudes)
And the wisdom to know the difference. smile

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi, you love your job. You want your job. This is what I tell me,"ya gotta play the game to get what you want."

When ya feel all icky inside, It is from owning whatever bad stuff someone else throws out, this person is controlling you.

I got to where I realized I did not want to care about the bolonie anymore. So concentrated on my job and that is it.

Working for the school district you can imagine how many power hungry people there are.

This one teacher was so horrible and I was warned about her.

I was eating with a couple of my students. I was a special ed teacher.

I also "volunteered" and had certain days I supervised the lunchtime kids.

Anyway she came in and was yelling, all livid becuz I was not doing my job supervising. I completely ignored her and cont. to laugh and goof around with the kids....

It was NOT my day to watch them.

She was down right mean to kids. At lunch she would not let them talk!! Oh and NO laughing. My days were happy, my kids were polite and enjoyed their meals.

She hated me. She went to the principal the principal sent out a memo that lunch time was to be a happy,calm time where the kids could talk to friends and be happy. Then she started to sit with them too.

I know special Ed laws. This new principal did not. So she depended on me a lot and got to know me.

Gaily when you get to where you finally figure out you choose not to be any part of this woman except the work, you will feel better.

It is just work. It is not a friendship. I mean sometimes we can have friends at work thank goodness, but she is not one.

I would not waiste anymore of your precious emotions on her. I learn to pretend they are the wind.

Learn this now and the rest of your life will go sooooo much easier.
hugs, love, debilyn

CJ · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Gail)))

the more I focus on the actions and behaviors of other people, the more dirt and clutter I find on my side of the street.

you could speak openly and honestly to your boss, but that may also carry consequences... it is your decision how to approach or not approach... to let go or keep staying "this feeling".

being military, I find myself around many toxic people who employ double standards, who look out for #1, who let other people pick up their slack... my job is to do the best job I can, to be happy with my performence, to be happy with how I treat my troops, my peers, my bosses. a lot of times it is not fair, but that is not what I see when I look in the mirror... I don't see their performence, I see mine. it always begins with me.

these are tough things, Gail! i'm glad you shared your story... I see lots of replies to learn from, myself.

with love and hope,
cj

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

think Higher Ground. Rise up. Get close to HP. For me, I think of the spirit of aloha, having had the honor to live in a part of the world where it was prevalent every moment of every day. Be proud of how great you are at what you do. Take care of yourself. Focus on you. Quietly ask HP for help. Ask for open-ness, gentleness, mildness and serenity. Breathe. HP is right there. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, you know. Hugs, J.

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

I have a tough job situation too. He lies, cheats, and steal. It is a daily grind to detach. What has helped me is: Is it my business, their business, or God's business? Amazing how much that I worry about is not my business. So he leaves, I leave, or I accept it. I am trying really hard to leave.

In support,
Nancy

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you...thank you...thank you all for your replies. You do not know how much they have helped me. I feel much more able to detach today with all of your esh. I will turn this over to HP all day if I have to.

Love you guys,
Gail

lilms · Senior Member

I love my job and I hate my job. I love what I do. I hate that the boss is an A. Makes things very unpredictable.

I try very hard to focus on what it is I need to do and then I note, note, note so that if anything were to ever come up I have a timeline of what happened and when.

I have also become very good at carbon copying almost any correspondance I send.

That part sucks but the actual work I love.

I can't have it all so I make sure that my stuff is up to par.

lilms

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.