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Hi all I am new and thought I would look here for some input, advice, knowledge, etc... I am a soon to be single mother of 2. A 13 and an 8 yr old. I quit drinking almost 3 yrs ago. Will be 3 in November. I attended 1 meeting and never went beck. My ex still drinks, actually, the whole block still drinks! My 8 yr old comes home from spending the weekend there with stories of people getting drunk. I left that enviroment for my kids to have a healthier understanding on life without drinking. I feel like Im going backwards. My 8 yr old believes beer isn't liqour or alcohol. Becasue Daddy said so. She gets beer for him and his friends out of the fridge and is told not to tell Mommy. I try telling her it is wrong and she only believes what Daddy says. Anyway...not to bore you I am looking for a meeting in Morris County that accepts 8 yr olds. Does anyone know of any available? Would love some info if there is any. Thanks and Have a GREAT day!
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Kim "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
I think there are a million resources for someone who is around an alcoholic spouse, former spouse. There is an offer of a book up the top of this web site. I think its a great start. Finding a meeting is a real undertaking. I look at meeting logistics every day and it is hard for me to make many ftf meetings. I did go to online meetings here for a long time. I'd recommend them.
Online meetings? Would my 8 yr old benifit at all from that? Or am I on the slow side here...its for me to pass onto her? Forgive me for my "stupidity". I know with the upcoming school schedule, making meetings on a regular basis would be difficult at times. I do appreciate your advice... and more is always welcome!
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Kim "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
She might be young for Alateen and your other child is not. Go get literature from Al-Anon meetings that she can handle like the illustrated "What is drunk Mama?" I think that one is free. Also I learned to change my language around the program. I learned that this is a disease I was living in; a physical allergy to a compulsion of the mind. It is not a moral issue so you might want to rethink the "wrong" statement. "It's not healthy" might be a suggestion or "when people are drunk, they are actually sick". That last one will take a bit more conversation and dialogue and that is where the literature comes in.
Keep coming back and find that meeting schedule as quickly as you can.
I was thinking she may be on the young side too. She is a stubborn child. I will keep at it though. Thank you all so much for the advice...I'm stickin around!
Kim "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
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Kim "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
Welcome. I have rented my main house to a couple and one seven year old at the time.She is now nine. I can tell you, there are many great books for this age child.
I would never say anything against what the AH says. What I would do is get her lots of the good books available and also you can go into the chat room, let them know there is an eight year old in the room who needs help. If you don't get proper responses or the op is not there, please feel welcomed to email me privately and I will meet you in there.
Then there will be an op who puts up with NO inappropriate talk when a child who is very welcomed in there. It is rare we have problems in the chat room as we have wonderful ops. But wanted to reassure you.
Also Kim she is more than welcome to come on here and ask questions!! We all work hard to keep this spot friendly, safe and a home for everyone. There is no profanity or inappropriate talk. If there is, it is moderated and edited. Not everyone knows the rules at first so they are gently told of them.
We used to have a few kids pop in. I miss that. They are so innocent yet so wise.
You have a right to ask for supervised visitation. And/or possibly have her father see her at a safe relative or friends of yours.
What he is doing is abuse,and neglect. What if she has an emergency and he drives with her?I am a real advocate for children. The A is very sick and they do not have any good senses going when they use!
Hon he may be ok drunk, but in a neighborhood of users you can bet there is more than one person who could easily abuse her kim.
I know you are doing your best!! come back,much love and hugs,debilyn
Thankfully my 13 yr old is his stepdaughter and she doesnt really spend any time there with him. It's my 8 yr old who spends weekends there. Thank you all for your excellent advice...
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Kim "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
I agree that how to deal with alcohol with children around is not an easy question to answer. I don't drink and my husband is not an alcoholic. Both my parents are alcoholics. I grew up around almost constant drinking and my mother got sober when I was 14. Than I was pratically force fed AA. We have a son who is 2 years old.
My opinion of alateen is for older teens. Personally I do not know what young teens would get out of a meeting without any adults around to guide the discussion. I think older teens like being around peers.
Plus, although the 12 steps are practical and I related to the people in twelve step programs...some of those stories can get pretty wild. Would I want my kid to hear this stuff?
For me, a trained low cost therapist in the yellow pages in a nice clean office for one hour a week for some extra support for the parents and the kids. Just a nice therapist go offer more information on how to handle the situation.
Plus alcoholism used to be more socially acceptable and there is more awareness that spending your evening drinking is not normal. Drinking more than one or two drinks at a time is alcohol abuse.
I wonder how me and my husband will handle this with our kid. For the time being I don't drink and my husband drinks from time to time.
For me if I was struggling with how to handle a situation. I would go to a therapist for more information.
Junehouse
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One must always do what one thinks can not be done.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
and more is always welcome!