The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When is enough enough? I am at the point in my marriage where I really feel that she would rather be drunk than be with me. And that is ok...what gets me is my eight yr old daughter. It kills me to think of her going through the family break up thing...but it also kills me to see her witness Drunkzilla (aka my wife). D zilla is a closet drinker...literally...she has bottles of lord knows what hidden all over the house and outside the house. Its very sad to see someone you love just lose control. Pretty sad state around here. Please keep your post coming...they are very helpful to me. Any advise would be well received as well as books.
Get the Getting them Sober book that is offered above. I think it is very helpful.
I believe there is a way whether you are staying, leaving, not knowing what to do to learn how to "cope" better with your situation. I know I have grown enormously since I came to this room.
Hey BigTex! Welcome! I have fond memories of my Texas experience. Have you been to a face to face meeting? I do believe we have a few other Texans on this board who may be able to point you in the right direction. Just keep comming and posting, you will find the peace and understanding you are loking for.
This disease humbles a person regardless of size. I'm glad you found your way here. My alcoholic wife did rather drink than be with me and then it got to the point that she seemed to rather drink than breathe. This is a disease. Separate the disease from the person and love the person. I had to learn how to do that with my alcoholic wife in order to arrive at some understanding, peace of mind and serenity and then go after some thing that would fix me. This disease will warp anything and anyone it comes into contact with drinker or not. It's been around for centuries; predates the life of Christ by 3000 years. We're up against something very very large. I am glad there is the program of Al-Anon and AA to provide protection again total destruction.
Keep coming back. The man's experience is valuable here and in the program.
Hello Tex nice to see u here , her drinking has nothing to do with not loving you it's not personal I always took my husb drinking personally til i got to Al-Anon and discoverd that it was a disease and had nothing to do with me at all. Alcohol is running her life at the moment and there is nothing u can do about that but alot u can do for yourself and the beauty of that for me was I didn' t have to leave my marriage to do it . If your not already attending real meetings I hope u consider doing so in the near future , there are alot of men in our programs these days. Give our program a few months before making a life altering decission get to as many meetings a week as u can then u can make an informed decission not one based on anger and frustration . As we begin to stop enabling the alcoholic things begin to change quickly until they are allowed to grow up and take responsibiltiy for thier own stuff nothing will change except to get worse . good luck Louise
Hi and welcome. Advice? We don't give a lot of advice here, only you know what's best for you. What I can tell you is that if you get to meetings, do some reading, and try to keep the focus on you and your girl, rather than on the A, you will get some clarity, and find a solution that works for you.
Your daughter deserves one sane parent - that's the important part now. Once you're a bit saner, the next step usually becomes apparent.
And, yeah, agree with Louise - she's not doing it TO you, she's just doing it. Sad, and horrible to live with, but nothing really to do with you. What most of us here have learned is that love does not in fact conquer all. If it did, we wouldn't have to be here.
Fellow Texan here. I too was married to a woman who seemingly picked alcohol over everyone and everything. And I took it soooo personal. Al-anon has shown me that her drinking had nothing to do with me at all. It was her disease.
Al-anon also taught me the the three c's... I didn't Cause it (the alcoholism), I can't Control it, and I can't Cure it. Another "C" some like to add is, "But I can Contribute to it".
Please find an al-anon meeting near you and please keep coming back to this board. We also have online meetings here twice a day. There are links to the schedule of meetings and to the chat room where they are held in the box at the upper left of the screen.
Also, here is a link to the Texas Al-anon web site, you can find lots of good info here and search for a meeting near you.
Welcome Tex, gads I remember that sick feeling of thinking how I had to get the A away from the kids. I had two three and four. They loooooved their daddy, as I did too.
He was a happy drunk still young. However Tex when he drove drunk with the kids, that was it. I filed for divorce. Killed me to do so.But I felt I had to protect them above everything. He could only choose to help himself.
It is true, they still love us. I never doubt that and my now out of the home A is in a horrible place and has been awful to me since he relapsed. However I know he is in love with me. When they use, the addiction makes sure the drug is first. Just the nature of addicts. When they go on a program of recovery, that is first. but ohhhhhh that is so wonderful if hey stay on their program.
Yes,"Getting Them Sober," is a great book. Courage to Change, and One Day at a Time. Also the Big Book is the best to me.
We have meetings in the MIP chat room. And also you can pm and talk real time to people in there, which can be helpful.
When is enough enough? hmmm it is different for each person. Only you know when you are sure ya just cannot do it anymore.
My dear mother told me, when you are done, you are done. There is no question. I found that to be true. When ya don't know, ya don't know yet.
If we had not had the kiddos I would have stayed with my first A. We were only 27 when he was killed, The kids made it no question for me. I had hoped to have him come back one day, but did not have the chance.
