The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This month I have not seen my parents at all. I called them when my baby took his first steps. They called me on my birthday. My father suggested that I record the baby walking and put the video on the net so they can see him. They could come here to see him. I live about an hour away from them. I did go to see them almost every weekend for the last four years. Then one day I decided thats not how I want to spend my time. (sorry about the fragmented thinking here)
I'm not even sure how much any of this has to do with their drinking. I know that they are alcoholics but for the most part its not a problem for me. When I was a child my father would drink and get angry and he was very scary but its not like that anymore.
Thats a lie.
The thing that started me on this path a few months ago was his anger. He was drinking and I had my baby over there visiting, he got angry and slammed the bar stool and scared me. I stood up, for the first time ever, and said I'm not staying here for this and took my baby and left.
Things have been so different since then. We tried family counseling but my parents didn't want to discuss their drinking so they quit coming. I still go with my sister and its been very helpful.
I guess I'm feeling sort of indifferent to them right now. I think I just needed a break from worrying about their feelings. I thought I had more control over their feelings but therapy has opened my eyes and showed me that I only have control over myself. I would constantly worry if they were going to be upset if I didn't go out to visit but since I have let go of that I feel much better.
I keep starting to wonder why haven't they come to see him but then I stop and remember that I can't possibly know so why worry about it. The invitation has been extended and if they accept then fine and if not then thats fine too.
I still struggle with connecting the things that are wrong with the family to their drinking. I think its because they've been drinking my whole life so I can't seperate what is what. Its confusing to me.
Well you can look at ACOA resources. We have a group here and that is useful.
Many of us come from ACOA backgrounds there are lots of topics that are significant for ACOAs. I recently stumbled on a ton of memories after talking to a counselor.
It is very significant that you are taking care of yourself and your child by setting limits.
It is confusing , our feelings, that is...when we grew up with alcohol being the norm. You should be proud of yourself for standing up for you and the baby. I wish I had been so strong.
Keep coming back; you aren't alone, and there is so much to learn here :) pw
Good for you for putting your baby and yourself first. You're right - you could puzzle over why they do things all day, and still not come up with the right reason, so why waste the energy.
"From Survival to Recovery" is the alanon book most focused on ACoA issues - you might want to take a look at it.
