The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello! Here's my story. I've been married to my husband for 6 years and he has been an alcoholic for 8 years. We have two girls together (6 months and 3 1/2). Last month he showed up to work still drunk (he blew .13 after 6 hours of sleep) and his work agreed to hold his job for him while he did inpatient rehab for at least 30 days in Tennessee and then 3 months of outpatient treatment near our home in Washington. He drank up to a case of beer every night. He was an angry drunk and used to get verbally abusive to me while he was drinking. 9 nights out of 10 I would end up going to bed in tears while he was passed out next to me. He would black out every night so he wouldn't remember anything. He has wrecked numerous cars but has somehow avoided ever getting caught by the police. He had told me numerous times "If you force me to choose between alcohol and you I'll choose the alcohol." So, he's been in rehab since July 31st and he is set to be let go on Sept. 2nd. I have only been able to talk to him for about 10 minutes a day and we usually keep the conversation pretty light, so we haven't gotten to discuss much. We do have family therapy once a week for 45 minutes on the phone, but we haven't been able to get much accomplished then either. The one thing the family therapist did tell me is that it isn't my husband's fault that he is an alcoholic and that he didn't mean the things he said to me while he was drunk and that I need to figure out how to forgive him or tell my husband what he has to do to get me to forgive him. The problem with that is that I do somewhat blame my husband for being an alcoholic. At least for being an alcoholic for so long. I think he should have gone and gotten help a long time ago! I also am a believer in the saying that the truth comes out once the liquor goes in and I don't see how I can just forgive my husband for the horrible things he said to me. I guess this is what I'm hoping to get help with here. I also have no clue how I'm supposed to act towards my husband when he comes back from rehab. Am I supposed to act like his babysitter or just let him go on his own and mess up if he's going to? This ended up being longer than I intended but it feels good to tell my story to someone else.
Welcome to MIP! You are in the right place because so many of us have been and still are in your shoes. I hope you will find a face to face al anon meeting. Gather all of the literature and study it. Al anon can explain what your counselor is trying to say in a way that speaks to the family effected by an alcoholic. This program is about you and finding your path to serenity. It is quite a powerful journey. It is not a quick and painless journey, but worth it.
you are hurting... you are alone with your girls. yep. it sounds like what many of us have experienced. verbal, physical, emotional abuse. yep. the M.O. of a boozer.
it is horrible and the sadness it brings seems like it will last forever... BUT, you came here. you came to al-anon. and you will find that many of us that were in your shoes are now much happier and healthier, and working this program has made it possible.
(((MommyM))) you mentioned family therapist... is this therapist well-versed in addiction, alcoholism, or the likes? i would check that out.
keep coming back here and write your feelings, anxieties, struggles... you will find help and comfort. I urge you to find a Face to Face al-anon meeting in your town, also. You will not regret it.
Be kind to yourself.. (who else will be???) with much love and hope, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
If it felt good to tell your story, its going to feel really good to attend an al-anon meeting. Please find some soon and go as often as possible. Just keep going and keep coming back here- hugs and welcome- J.
MommyM, don't beat yourself up for not having gotten help sooner. It is said, "The teacher arrives when the student is ready." I've come to realize I arrived to these rooms to the Alanon face to face doors at exacty the right time for me.
Sadly I had to finally hit a point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Not until then or before then would I have been willing to listen or share.
Today is a new day. Make it your best. Thank heaven we receive the knowlege as we are able to accept it. Healing is like the peeling of an onion, it happens in layers just like getting sick happened.
You have already shown courage in posting your woes. Keep coming back, you qualify. Welcome home.
