The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello I am new to this forum, but I have been in Al Anon for a year now. I have a trust issue with my group and sponsor. I live in a small area where everyone knows everyone else. My husband is the alcoholic and he has stop going to AA and I think it is because of the same issue but he will not admit it. The problem is AA has open meetings where the spouse of the AA members can attend. So the spouses know who your spouse is and if he doesn't attend meetings they automatically assume he is drinking which he is not. Now this is affecting my meeting because when I talk people roll their eyes and think I am lying. I now have a sponsor but I have the same issue with her, because she is connected to a rehabilitation program that he attended. I think she just wants to know my business in order to go back to them and tell them how he is doing.
Recently my husband has started back to smoking Marjiana and I am not pleased with it but it is better than the alcohol. Should I be obligated to tell my sponsor who I have no trust in or do I keep it to myself?
I know what he is doing is part of his addictive personality and he is replacing one with the other, but if you push it gets worse. I have a loyalty to my husband because he is family, but I also know that not saying anything is also enabling. Could someone email me back and give me some well needed advise?
In Al-anon we try real hard to keep the focus on ourselves. What we are doing, what we are feeling, etc.
It is certainly not my business to communicate with my sponsor, or my group what is going on in the lives of the A's (alcoholics) in my life. You are not obligated to tell anybody in al-anon, including a sponsor, anything you do not want to.
That said, I have learned that keeping secrets is no good for me. When I am communicating things with my sponsor I try to keep the topics as how they relate to me. If I am bothered by someone's drinking, smoking pot, etc..that is something I would need to discuss with my sponsor.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I try to keep things from my point of view and about my business. It is not my business what the A is doing and it is certainly not my business to report to anyone else what the A is doing.
So glad you posted here...keep coming back and reading/posting. There is a whole lot of great information here in learning to live with the family disease of alcoholism.
Well for me if I cant trust my group or my sponsor I would change both quickly . Who cares what AA thinks ? but if I couldn't go to ameeting and be honest I may as well stay home and lie to myself (again ) . hopfully there are other meetings in your area tht u can attend . if not perhaps u have enough courage to tell the group and your sponsor that you are having a trust issue with them and u don't appreaciate the rolling eyes routine as u share . I know I would . good luck Louise
I agree with what everyone else said, and have just one thing to ask - are you sure that you are reading their behaviour accurately? I know that I tended to be very sensitive to other's reactions when I first got into the program. I wanted to do it "right" and if that meant lying, so be it. After things went pretty badly wrong with my husband's sobriety, I was in too much trouble and pain to care what they thought of me. Looking back now, years later, I think a lot of the judgement I thought I saw was more in my head than in theirs.
I know the "small town" thing very well. It is for that very reason that my AH and I both attend programs in another town, 30 minutes from here. I love the large groups and the anonymity I have out of town. If you don't trust your group or your sponsor, I would consider changing both. They are supposed to bring you peace, not angst. You've had enough of that and deserve more.
Keep coming back.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Hi, yes I thought the same thing that I was paranoid and after it happened maybe 4 times that is when I knew that I was not paranoid and it was really happening. I do plan to try a few other groups in the area, but have already been to one other group and really found that the cross talk was even worse.
Here is hoping it gets better or I may just have to leave the program.
