The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, my dinner last night with my ex's brother went extremely well. I really had a nice time. My boyfriend and he got along so well. The dinner lasted for 4 1/2 hours! Basically catching up on whats been going on in our lives for the past few months, talking about all sorts of things.
My boyfriend ordered a bottle of wine and I was so hesitant to have a glass because when I was with my ex, I didnt drink around his family. I would only drink occasionally with my family and friends. I was never a big drinker. Something as simple as enjoying a glass of wine with his brother was so strange for me. It ended up being fine though.
Our conversations last night werent focused on my ex. Obviously we talked a little about him. To sum it up, basically he was given a choice, jail or rehab. He chose rehab as you know. It looks like he will be there for a total of 6 months. The night he was pulled over he was completely drunk out of his mind and had done lines of coke, which explains where his money has been going. He lost his job (which paid REALLY well and obviously fed his coke addiction), he will never get his drivers license back, and according to his brother he's just going with the flow. Neither of us think he will stay sober/clean. He has lost so much over the past 20 years and although the initial shock of losing something or ruining something bothers him, he always resorts back to drugs and alcohol. While he was in detox, he was using. You'd think that in a detox facility the chances of using would be slim to none, apparently thats not the case. Its a shame because he really is a decent guy when he's sober I just wish it could have lasted. If he could have stayed sober/clean I'm almost 100% sure that our relationship would have taken that next step. Unfortunately he didnt though. As they say though, everything happens for a reason. If I was still with him, I would have never met my current boyfriend. Him and I get along so well and my family just adores him. Really nice man, successful, caring and so family oriented.
His brother told me that their mom misses me bunches and would love to visit with me. I told him that I missed her too (she and I were very close) and I'd give her a call to see how she is.
When I stepped away to use the ladies room, my ex's brother followed behind me a few seconds later. He pulled me aside and told me that he thought my boyfriend was a really good guy and how good it was to see me happy. He continued on to say that I shouldnt feel helpless when it comes to his brother. That I tried everything I could to make my relationship with him work and that the smartest thing I could have done was walk away. He flat out said that I deserve so much better than his brother and that I was the best thing that ever happened to his brother. Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because I really did love his brother, and still do in some demented way. I just know that I wasnt strong enough to deal with the everyday stress and anxiety his alcoholism caused me. His disease was affecting me and consequently affecting my children, friends and family.
All in all, the visit with my ex's brother was really nice. I'm glad I went.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
