The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of the chronic unremitting pressures I have at the moment is debt. Right now I owe everyone, the landlord, the credit cards, the phone company, the bills. I have worked myself into the ground over the past year (last week I worked 60 plus hours) and got very little headway with any of the debts. I am barely surviving.
Recently a friend of mine said well what if you have to stay where you are a while. Can I make that that a positive?
I know I lived in unremitting chaos and pain for 7 years yet I want to put a ton of pressure on myself to get out of my current living situation like tomorrow.
Right now I'm down to working part time and going to therapy a lot. The unremitting part of myself wants to work all hours, have nothing, pay down debt and "escape". I'm not sure I can.
I have a ton of medical stuff I am not dealing with at the moment because (a) don't have the time (because I work all the time) and (b) I'm exhausted and (c) I don't feel I deserve it.
I"m in therapy and I feel that is helping a lot. I'm getting to the fourth step stuff which is so crucial to stop interacting with active A's.
Yet there's a part of myself that feels I am in dangerous territory. I went without for so long living with the A, giving to myself, time space, faith is not something I'm familiar with.
I have no idea which way to go some days. I know I will in time get something work wise that won't be crippling but I'm not sure when.
Meantime I'm absolutely broke and not getting out of debt anytime soon. Maresie.
Thanks to all who sent me notes about Dave Ramsey and other sources of help. I have certainly read all of Dave Ramsey's work. I even at one point had the $1,000 fail safe money. I used it.
The reality for me is that my life is going to be hard for a few years. I can't negotiate that. In time I will be debt free but its going to take a huge amount of time and effort.
I know how you feel, hon. Sometimes its just a case of putting one foot in front of the other and doing the best you can. Our family is in debt significantly and we don't have a decent place to live. That is not going to change overnight, but very slowly it is getting better. I say the Serenity Prayer a lot, and just keep moving forward on the things I can change inside myself.
Good luck.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
