I blew today and now I feel like falling apart. - Al-Anon Family Group

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

I blew today and now I feel like falling apart.

CJ · ~*Service Worker*~

(((hugs)))

i've had days similar to this ~~ it has helped me to get to meetings and hear my friends tell me to stop and take care of me. this too shall pass, and i am better served by stopping my thoughts from tormenting me. that is, stop obsessing over stuff that i can't control. i do my best, sometimes making mistakes ~which are what i like to term AFPLEs (another f#$&ing painful learning experience) an AFPLE a day...~ my friends and al-anon family are right here, to lean on, to let me know it will be okay... to let me know that Higher Power is here, if I CHOOSE to surrender and let go of the hurt.

keep coming back, my friend
keep sharing and working the steps... they are a path to freedom

with love and hope,
cj

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like a lesson in detachment. Sorry so much is going on for you at the same time.

I know what it is to live around self absorbed people. I do. I also detach. I have to. I work on it like my hair is on fire.

I also have to deal with medical care that isn't too hot. I need medication and have to fill out a zillion forms, go for interviews and more to do it. I got a buddy and we are working on it together. He's filling out the forms and I am too. We trade stories not quite the same as having someone help me but helpful.

Recovery does help but it doesn't necessarily get better overnight. I know that depression can leave me feeling "sticky" in certain situations around certain sounds, situations and I work to smooth out the edges. How can you treat yourself better?

Maresie.

Leetle · Senior Member

(((((((((((((tenderhearts)))))))))

I am so sorry all of this is coming at you at once. I can certainly relate to getting on overwhelm and blowing. The serenity prayer helps me, but honestly when I am on overwhelm my program isn't always in the forefront of my mind. Take it easy and be tender with yourself. You will get where you want to be, just keep putting on foot in front of the other (doing the next best thing, for YOU). Sending you a big ((((((((HUG))))))).

In support,
Leetle

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((TH)))))

Breath in and breath out. It will all work out for you. I hear you with the famly thing and strings. My mother is so like that. Sometimes you just have to take the help. Hope everything works out.

In support,
Nancy

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi th, huggin ya.

One day at a time. for me this means and meant....I was redoing my house loan. have limited dollars....I learned to do my calls, whatever footwork I could do that day, and let it go and go play with my animals, go have fun with a friend, whatever.
we can only do what we can do.We cannot control the book store, or anything you mentioned. Do what you can hon. take a breath,believe me, everything will be ok.

Sounds like it may help you to get some good sleep in and eat good stuff. Then all the pressures are not so hard.
I tell ya, better a person learn young to really do this. Wish I had of, or had someone to teach me. I used to cocoon up in my bed, freak out, get migraines.

My son and I share cell phone family thing. He got the bill, it was over five hundred bucks...he called me totally freaked out. I was able to say, ok we don't know what is wrong yet. There is no reason to worry or freak out.
I will call and get it figured out.

Found out they had made a HUGE mistake, we only owed our usual hundred and thirty some dollars.....so I text him.

Next day I see him for a long drive, and we talked more about not allowing things to get to us. The world is very very hard. Getting harder. The sooner we learn to do the footwork, play the game, and not get all upset the better.

Nothing stays the same, no use in tearing our bodies and minds apart over things we cannot control. My friend went to Russia. The Russian where she was had parties all the time and drank socialy and danced all the time, complete families of many got together,all ages.
They told her,we are poor,so we dance!!! I loved hearing that. Taught me to do what I could, then put it out of my mind and have fun, or clean house or go thrift shopping,..Alanon taught me how to really put it into practice odat.

i tell myself many times, all I have to do is think about getting groceries, or allI have to do is think about trimming sheep hooves, or brushing my horse Elgin.

focus on the present.
If the car thing is a problem,eats you up, can you possibly ask another alanon member for a ride, pay the gas? I would love to be able to pick up someone. I am sure you would too. is there a transportation system where you live?I learned to take a bus and train. I had NO vehicle for a long time, out here alone in the country.

It could have freaked me out, but it didn't. I knew everything would be ok,and it was.
one day at time.

It is ok, school has not started yet. You will get your books.

sending you love and congrats and proud of you for going to school.I do know how challenging it is.Will love you telling us about it.

thinking of our Tiger girl here who graduated. I love being so blessed to see everyone on here share their ups and downs.

hugs,debilyn

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

(((((((((((((((((thks)))))))))))))))))))

This is an awful lot all at once. I'm reminded of a lady I know in program who WAS homeless years ago - lived in a shelter - and she says, it was hard - BUT it was better than the alternative, which was being "supported by" - and simultaneously torn down by - an A.

I guess to say - you know, you don't have to throw that choice out out of hand - really consider it, say, ok, what would be the advantages? No AD, no dad dictating... . What would be the disadvantages? Harder to get to a puter to do classes (maybe; some towns have provision for this either through social services or library), no own space, dealing with other A-type behaviour in the system... Only you can decide how much weight the pros and cons have for you, but maybe really consider it so that if you do choose to stay where you are for now, it's your choice, and not something you're forced to do.

I'm in a situation at work where we've been mandated by our "home office" to disallow something we've been allowing. It's a totally bogus mandate - it's just that we're the only ones that have been allowing this, so although we addressed the concerns that had been brought forward, and have not been having a problem, our customers have to suffer because home office wants everybody to be the same. Part of me really wants to quit over this. Another part is trying to remember all my alanon tools - focus on gratitude, remember I have choices, remember I did what I could, remember I'm powerless.... I guess this works best for me when I stay in the present moment (providing I'm not having to explain this inexplicable policy to a customer).... aaargh. Where I'm TRYING to go with this is, I too need to look at pros and cons, and make an active choice, rather than just submitting to "outrageous fortune".

Take what you like & leave the rest. I'm rooting for you to get those books so you have some great positive stuff to focus on.

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

I so appreciate everyone's responses.

I realized yesterday how badly I had gotten caught up in the dysfunctional triangle with me/AD/parents, and I decided to get off of the crazy train.

I called my dad and expressed how angry I was that AD didn't learn a thing from the car wreck because she was being bailed out, that it was not worth it to drive a car that had strings attached, I had walked everywhere for 7 months when she was in foster care due to running away, and I can do it again.

I told him I was no longer the go-between, he has her cell phone number and can communicate directly with her in regards to the whole car situation.

I asked that he respect my need to have my quiet space and I will no longer take calls from him and Mom until I am spiritually recharged and good and ready.

I saw last night when I got home from the meeting that Mom had already tried to call.

I did not call her back, nor will I.

I've got my arms wrapped around self, and taking care of self.

Twice in the past my college plans were sabotaged by family members, and it is NOT going to happen again.

It was nice to walk to the meeting last night as I came across three little shitzus inside a fence, and they were all trying to lick my face through the fence!

I got a ride home from one of my sponsees, and slept good last night.

I can't believe I got so off track and sucked into AD's drama and forgot about self.

I have taken something from every one of your posts smile

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow! Way to take your serenity back! Woo Hoo!

Thank you for posing all this. It has helped me greatly to read it today.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry to be so out of it THSKS but you got yourself right back on track! In no time, too!

Yeah, when it rains it pours. I know how easy it is to get distracted. Our families are sooo distracting...but it sounds like you know what you need to do. And you did it.

Keep your eye on that pie, you know what its all about and YES, independence WILL come, I promise you! And it WILL BE SO VERY SWEET because of who you are and what you have been through. Its so sweet for us late bloomers- when I think of the people who get handed things on silver platters, I really thank my lucky stars to have worked my a** off to get to where I am today.

And its only going to keep getting better and better, THSKS, its a promise. I believe in you. love, J.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.