The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We had our annual AA/Al-Anon Conference here in town this past weekend and all in all it was a great conference. The speakers were great and it was good to see people again that we see only once a year.
Saturday was a full day and we were enjoying ourselves a lot. At the banquet that evening I had a panic attack. I hate those things and they come out of nowhere. I think I had been going at full speed for so many hours that when I finally sat down and became quiet it all caught up with me. I felt like I simply could not breathe so I excused myself and went outside. It wasn't much better out there, the air was cool but the humidity was high. So I'm thinking this is not accomplishing much so I went back inside so I would not miss the speaker.
Before the speaker started I checked my cell phone to make sure it was turned off and there was a missed call from my A/son. My mind immediately went to churning like crazy. Things like is he in jail again, who did he hurt this time, does he even know where he is at, how much money does he want this time and what is he going to ask for that I will once again have to say no to. It was CRAZY, this went on and on and I could not get ahold of it. I asked my husband if I should call him back. He says no your at a conference he can wait or call someone else. I just had to do something so I sent him a text saying we were at a conference and I would call him later.
By the end of the evening I was in a dither that would not stop. I talked to another lady that also deals with a son and told her what had taken place. I told her all of the things that were going through my mind and then out of the blue I said "You know, it never occured to me that everything just might be ok". She allowed as how that was the only time she ever hears from her son is when things are going ok. That helped me relax a little and I found a quiet spot and prayed. I told my higher power that I was certain that there was indeed yet another lesson in this one but I couldn't see it.
We got home quite late so I decided not to call. I had wiped myself out so much that the last thing I wanted was bad news so I decided to get a good nights sleep first.
Sunday morning I finally got the courage to call him.
Now don't laugh too hard...
He had a date Saturday night and when he called he was at the grocery store and wanted to know how to fix fresh strawberries. When he couldn't get in touch with me he asked some women that were in the store and they told him what he needed to know.
I have laughed so hard about this and the lesson I needed to learn was shall we say self evident. ROFL
Have a great day and the next time you start projecting think of the strawberry story.
Barb
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
How terrible! I know I tend to push myself to a state of exhaustion. I really push push push. I don't heed the HALT stuff.
I work really hard on not knowing. I work hard on not being in other people's business. I find it hard going but I also find it the only way to detach.
I am still exhausted sometimes to the point of being bone tired but I feel less pressure.
That is the coolest story. I hope you on't mind if I relate it to my group tommarrow. They will all get a great laugh and a good reminder. Sometimes the lessons are so self-evident that its almost hilarious. ROFL too.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Projecting aka buying worry is like spending energy on things that may or may not happen. I personally didn't have enough energy left over and decided to stop. Worrying didn't allow me any rest for my heart, mind or soul. It was costing me alot in the area of health both physically and mentally. Not until I heard someone say in a meeting "if you pray why worry, if you worry why pray" did I GET it. Hope this helps.
M, that is a GREAT post- thanks for it! You are so right!!! Lately, I have had horrible news that turned out to be really great news in hindsight, etc. etc. You just never know- the more positive thoughts and energy I experience, the more positive things happen, too.
I have claustraphobia which seems to be increasing as I age. I know how it feels to need to get up and get out. I also think that many of us are introverted and get overwhelmed easily- I know I get "overstimulated" so easily and just need to take a break. I have learned to love myself through this and accept this about me more and more in this program. I am very up front about this with others, too. I now consider it a great asset. I am so close to myself and love myself enough to honor my needs. In fact, I think lots of people would like to be able to "take a break" but are afraid to so they don't. When I pipe up about this, I get lots of affirmation and laughter (of recognition). Our "weaknesses" end up being our ladders of fellowship.
Great story - almost a textbook example, isn't it?
When my husband was newly sober, I noticed his car driving by the end of our road one day. All my projections immediately leapt to the fore. "It's like he's trying to sneak by the house - why didn't he come and say hello - he probably didn't expect me home so early - that road leads to the house of his drug source - that's it, he's back out - probably high right now, that's why he didn't want to face me...." He got home half an hour later. He'd been delivering Meals on Wheels - a meal program for shut in seniors. I even knew he was doing this, but forgot because I usually didn't get home early enough to see him at it.
Thank you so much for sharing and please forgive me for laughing but. . . . well that's funny too. The things we do to ourselves never ceases to amaze me.
HUGS
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I have done this to myself so many times. Anytime I ever projected about anything, inevitably I was always wrong. Always projecting the worst and fearing the best. Focusing on staying in the present moment, the right now, MYOB and expecting nothing (just neutral neither good nor bad, just waiting until I hear it) has all helped to ease the needless, constant fear and anxiety I once suffered from. I am genuinely beginning to enjoy. I also had to realize, since I was living in extremes, that I could be happy when just plain satisfied, I didn't have to be totally exuberant. Maybe I'm mixing it up with simple peace but whatever it is, I like it and that's good!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
