The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know if anyone has the opportunity to watch Oprah today, but Gavin de Becker (I think that is his name) will be on the show to talk about fear warning us to protect ourselves. FEAR is not always false evidence appearing real. Sometimes it is a warning. He will be discussing how to know the difference. I think it's very important to learn since I tried to make myself believe that I was just imagining things and wound up placing myself and my daughter in dangerous situations. I was befriended by someone and something didn't seem right, but because I had heard about FEAR = false evidence appearing real I just assumed I was wrong. That warning and uneasy feeling just became louder and louder. I thought it was very strange that a man would befriend younger single mothers with young children and never a woman who did not have children or who was his own age. I also felt uneasy about it because he was a coach for kids and a mentor at church for kids. Why all the focus on children and never having friends your own age. One evening a sexual comment was made to me in front of my daughter. Alarm bells were going off inside me. I called someone to run it by them and was told I was being tested and my daughter was being exploited. I KNEW there was something wrong and I should have listened. I feel so ashamed that I did not protect my daughter and cause a scene when he made the comment. He would bring us little gifts early on and I didn't recognize this as grooming behavior. That is what is was. Last week I received an e-mail that someone was searching for info on me online. It was this same man. I'd love to put on the rose-colored glasses, but I will not do that ever again. God gave me intuition for a reason and it was not to ignore it. I can no longer use denial and subject myself and my daughter to dangerous people. I hope others will learn to listen to that inner voice inside when something doesn't feel right because it's because there is something that is not right.
Thank you for this post. I will be watching the show today along with my son.
Try not to should on yourself about not recognizing the warnings. These predators are very good at what they do, and remember we are also sick with a disease that causes us to be unable to identify the difference between our own HP given intuition, and our projections of doom.
Through this program I am learning to trust myself again, and keep myself and my children safe, even from their own father if necessary.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I watched the show today and learned a lot. I had have 3 past jobs where I had an eerie feeling during the interviews, but ignored them and wound up being hurt. Gavin de Becker also said that women should not be nice. I was always a people pleaser which led to my demise. I have wiped the smile off my face. I don't have to prove I am a nice person or worry about hurting someone else's feelings. I hurt my own feelings enough. He said that men fear being laughed at and women fear being murdered. He also said that learning to say no is saying yes to yourself. Here is the trouble. I am afraid if I say no, I will be murdered or violated.
I have heard that False Evidence Appearing Real...but the one that really resonates with me is F*** Everything And Run. That is the one that I think of when I recognize I am in fear. And lately that is the one that has been the most helpful.
I think he also said that saying no or being not nice is not what provokes an attacker to murder. It is being nice that will allow a situation to escalate.
I was also interested when he said that panic attacks are our inner self ramping up the message of danger. Very interesting stuff. I think I will work on just trying to be more aware of my own intuition. There hve been many times in my life when I knew something was wrong and ignored that feeling. I want to work on listening to myself and trusting my instincts.
Very interesting show. Kind of goes right along with our program of recovery too.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
This is amazing. I was given the book The Gift of Fear by a DV worker back at the end of June. I didn't read it, just skimmed it. This is a confirmation, I probably should read it entirely.
My AH tries to make me believe my fears of him are all in my head.
Many times I heard it said in programs that fear is (false evidence appearing real). I would like to know who came up with that lie, and spread to millions of people.
