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Third times a charm. Twice today I wiped out my post with a quick flick of my fingers. Frustrating!
My son is 15 and addicted to sugar. I do not keep soda in the house and I have very little junk food. Given his age and his associations, however, he has access to and consumes a lot. He also loves caffiene and power drinks (which I have tried to forbid) too.
We went shopping today and as an inpulse buy, I bought a bag of candy (for my sweet tooth). Tonight when I was finishing putting the groceries away I couldn't find it. I looked everywhere, and asked the kids, but no luck. The more I looked, the more I got suspicious, and my I think my son figured out I was on to him and he finally pulled the bag out of his backpack, bag opened.
More than anything, I was disppointed to see the dishonesty. He apologized and "looked" remorseful, but didn't have much to say about it. Neither did I. I told him it was dishonest and that I was disappointed, but didn't really know where to go beyond that.
So, I take this behavior and I add it to his burning desire to always be right, know everything, argue, correct and blame others, and I don't like what I see. He acts just like my A brother (who is forefront in my mind right now - another post for another day). Particularly with my daughter, he will argue everythng that is said. For example, today she asked why Toyota Priuss were so popular. I simply stated it was because they were economical, to which he responded that it wasn't true do to some parts coming from overseas, etc. To this my daughter got frustrated and told him evey question did not have to be a big discussion, and then he started off on the definition of "big" discussion. At that point my daughter and I just started laughing, as she said told him he was doing it again. He was quiet for the rest of the car ride.
This actually isn't new behavior, for when he was young we even called him Cliff Claven, (the "know-it-all" from the tv show Cheers), it has just gotten less endearing and more annoying. I have tried to point this little character trait on ocassion, but I always feel like I am picking on him and putting down who he is.
While I believe my concerns to be valid, I can't help but wonder what I can do about them. He is a great kid, and still very much the same as he was as a young child. We've always had truth issues, and admittedly I was hoping those days were over. I have no reason to believe he is involved in any substance use, and as a matter of fact, I think is running a bit scared due to what is happening with his dad and uncle. But, I will stay on guard.
Time for me to get to bed and get this posted before iI erase it again. Any e,s, or h out there?
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
well, Lou, I do know that the sugar thing is like a substitute for alcohol for some of us- my mom who does not drink but who is an A (not in recovery) eats SO much candy- she is 80 and has a dental appt to get over 20 cavities taken care of! All from just 6 months of eating mountains of candy. My sister and I do not berate her about it- she is an adult and can deal with her own consequences.
I do crave sugar myself and can feel it when its in my system and it makes me want more more more so I do not even go there. Once I begin I want more. I avoid sugar. Its really really hard on our bodies, too.
I just wanted to be supportive of your choice to limit/avoid sugar. I think its a fairly nasty thing that somehow gets into so much of our manufactured foods (like spaghetti sauce- excuse me? why do we need sugar in our spaghetti sauce?!). Hugs, J.
As a former educator of 12-16 year old middle school students, I recognize "typical" behavior in the way your son is behaving. Given that he has always been a strong personality, that will surely display during these years when he is asserting his independence and emerging young adulthood. Also, I think you are a strong parent (just from your posts, etc) and having a strong parent causes teens to pull harder on the yoke of restraints. I know this is difficult. My own son was much like what you are describing and at age 45, still is....the proverbial knows everything, stretches the truth, refuses blame, AND yes, is an A. It is hard to say whether your son's personality is indicative of potential addiction. I am not sure any "expert" anywhere could do that with any degree of accuracy. Having the background you do with addiction, it is natural that you are going to worry and run with even slight indicators. I didn't have that background when my son was a teen; no one in our home or immediate family had addiction problems. So for me, who knew? It never occurred to me to worry about things like that until much later when he was in his mid to late twenties. So you are a step ahead, Lou. You have the tools.
I sense that you are doing fine! Just being aware and alert to your teen and keeping close watch is essential. Hang in there. He will eventually pass through this early teen stage and he will get easier to deal with. My own experience as a mom with my son was stormy, but I can now see, in retrospect, that I caused a lot of my own drama because I was controlling beyond the norm, wanted to fix everything NOW, and just wouldn't step back and allow him to grow. If I had it to do over, I would do better. Sad that we don't get those second chances.
Can't say much about your son, you know him and I don't, but that sounds like very typical teenage boy behaviour. My son, at 19, is just starting to come out the other side of 'know it all', and has spent the last 7 or 8 years attacking all of his enthusiasms with both hands, food and caffiene drinks definitely included.
Make sure your son knows that he has probably inherited some A tendencies, and that he needs to guard against them. If he's anything like my kids, alanon is about as inviting as tea with the old aunties, but you can be living your program in front of him everyday - talking about how you make your choices, and why. The more open you and your ex can be about the whole subject of addiction and recovery, the better.
Well, isn't that the million dollar question!!!I watch my kids too for signs of addction and mental illness. Hard work being a mom who lives in reality!!
I was a "know it all" kid. From when I was litlle. I heard "Don't be such a know it all!" and "Stop contradicting me!" all the time when i was a kid. I guess I was that way because No one ever paid attention to me. Everyone was always focused on the A. Or themselves. It was the 70ies and 80ies and my parents were totally falling for the "me me me " philosphy. And I would sneak candy and snacks because my mother was such a control freak that if I were eating a piece of candy and it wasn't slow enough for her or I wasn't "savoring" it to her liking I wouldn't be allowed to have another piece. So, I would go behind her back and I would lie. But I was raised in an A home and that is what I learned as a child. The A lied to get what he wanted, the people around the A lied to me (about the reality of the A being an A) so lying was just something I knew how to do. The knowing it all was because I was constantly made to feel less than. I was the kind of kid who would call a spade a spade. My family HATED that and so always tried to make me feel stupid.
My kids come up with silly explainations for things as if they KNOW what they are talking about. I just nod or say "oh really?" and if it is something I know they are worng about, I will say "ya know what I think....." just to give them another view. I do not ever say "No you are wrong". Who cares, they will find out someday.
The other thing I do with my kids and have for many years now is tell them what Aism is and how sick their father is. With adiction. I explain that they are high risk, they know that they could very well take one drink and that is it forever. I have gone deep with what it means to be addicted and sick. And they know from their own personal experiences. I hope that when the time comes they just stay true to who they are, they think of their father and the hell he has caused, and they just opt to NOT try it. But, I don't know how realistic that dream is. Anyway, they are armed with what could happen and where to go if it does. Best I can give them.
My oldest has always had a sleep issue. If she doesn't get more than 8 hours she literally turns into a raging lunatic. She has been this way since birth. I have talked to her about it for years. Especially when she sleeps at others houses. She is 13 and she gets it! She still will stay up all night (she's 13!) but she has learned to control her out bursts. So that, if she is overtired and comming home, she knows better than to rage at us. And she will go to bed at a reasnable hour when she has plans the next day.
Knowledge is power. Tell him what you see in him, what you fear. Telling him in a nice way is not picking on him. You have his best interest at heart. Give him the power to make the changes that he needs to make to stay happy and healthy.
I am a big recovering sugar addict. I tried to restrict sugar when my three boys were growing up. Now that they are on their own they make good and bad choices for nutrition and drinking. I have read that if you grow up in an alcoholic home you maybe predisposed to sugar. Sorta of our way of coping with the stress of alcoholism. I t sure applies to me.
