The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i'm sitting here in a sort of amazed confusion as my a..who went out last night and got lit...who threatened suicide last week...is now asking me if i think she would make a good mother and if we could try and have a baby together
i feel like she is out of here mind at this point
yes...she is lovely when not drunk...but i don't think i'm in love with her and because she is not paying attention and realizing that we are seeing less and less of each other...the sex has gone down to once a week maybe..
i have told her if she gets sober then we can talk about these things but honestly
i have been going to meetings..working with a sposor..reading literature and i feel i have been making strides and steps
i don't know...yeah ..it might be nice to have a kid but i think she thinks that having a kid would slow her down and probably thinks it would stop her from drinking...i disagree...i fully fully disagree
she is emotionally unstable at times and still goes out twice a week and gets drunk
i don't know...maybe its me but i just think she is in complete and utter denial...i don't know...maybe i am
but things seem to be looking brighter for me
just discovered co dependents annonymous...hit a few meetings and have been reading some of their literature and it truly is speaking to me...seems to be directly up my alley...as a matter of facts its seems to be at the root of many of my lives problems..i can see it in many of the friendships i have had over the years and the relationships and i can see how it has totally stopped me from living a full life
it just makes so much sense to me that my clinging and clawing with others has stopped me from feeling free
i believe i may have stumbled on what i have been looking for all my life...beyond my drug use and alcohol use and beyond my families disfunction
it speaks to me at the core of my being and i feel it is setting me free one day at a time
hope all is well with others and like always i send out all of my prayers and well wishes to each and every one of you
i'm just finding out that many many many times i have been in different forms of relationships where i have completely and utterly detroyed myself..belittled myself in the relationships and gave myself away...self esteem problems
but something has been happening recently..in all my meetings but especially coda...i just feel that much better about myself these days and my direction..it aient all a bed of roses and i am still dealing with my a...but i feel like i am not only becoming more empowered but i am trying to satisfy my own needs...maybe i am just beginning to come out of the duldrums...coming out of the dumps
my coda books and affirmations are really...truly hitting home with me...i just think i may have stumbled on to something that may ultimately..or is right now..setting me free...setting me free for life..in a way
helping to make me feel stronger..more empowered and giving me great insight as to what has been happening to me my entire life
i guess i had no self esteem and just locked onto other people and even different families to keep me afloat...this does not work for me anymore
i think i may be on the verge of discovering what true love is and what a healthy relationship may look like..and even feel like...it is all very very very exciting for me
thanks for all of your help here..it has been tremendous
keep doing the things that are making you feel better about you. CODA is a great program, along with all the other 12 steppers. They are all tools for you to start seeing a better life.
"Lets have a baby." -- this is not an uncommon manipulation. If you can find what her true motive is, then you can deal with it without emotional involvement.
It was flattering to me when my A-wife first asked, too. While I tried to not hurt her feelings, my mind was 100% sure that that would not be a healthy choice. I urge you to talk about in group.
Charles, you have to be the one to make the choices for Charles. Are you going to make healthy ones? Are you going to stay with this woman to try to get your needs met? From what I hear, she can meet your needs, sometimes... is that right for you?
be safe, my friend cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Generally speaking I try very hard not to tell anyone what to do, but your post today evoked a lot of emotions.
In my humble opinion, your relationship is not ready for a child. A child does not mend or make a relationship. In fact having a child often places additional stress on a relationship.
I, too, am a child of an alcoholic who's passed on some years now. Life growing up with an A and a messed up family took it's toll not only on me but on my whole family. Suffice it to say, if I had not found Alanon, I am not so sure I would be walking this earth today.
I also work with teens who grow up in a messed up alcoholic/drug homes.
I am the mother of 3 children now and thank God for this program that has shown me (and them through me) what a home can be like with limited dysfunction.
Being a parent is a full-time, 24 hour job that requires the parents to be at their best on a good day (never mind a bad one). My children are now young adults and still they will need my "calm in the storm," my being there for them emotionally when their world is tipped upside down, my serenity if you will.
So on behalf of all the children out there who are truly powerless (unlike the adults in this world), please do not have a child right now.
As we say in program, take what you liked and leave the rest.
Keep coming, keep working your program, you are worthy of a wonderful relationship but you have to work toward it. It doesn't just happen.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I have cancelled my cable tv. This saga is better than "The Young and the Restless"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am waiting for her to get lost at sea, only to return, hair dripping salt water, and everyone observing with an "OK you're back" attitude ala AT&T commercial.
Seriously though, Charles, don't use that once-a-week sex romp to make a baby. Bad idea.
Hoping I made you smile,
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 10:06, 2008-08-18
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I was here for a long time before I started setting limits with the A. He went out and went out. I was "numb" really. Now if I am around people who are drunk I can get seriously triggered so I know I had to be "numb" for years.
I'm glad meetings are speaking to you. They did not speak to me for a long time then I was focused on what the A needed to do. Now I am solely focused on what I need to do.
