The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok.. Its been a VERY looooooooooong time since i have done this.. I have missed coming to chat and to the posting boards.. however.. back to topic.. I have been feeling really lost lately.. have been having alot of feelings up all at once.. yesterday i journaled one page about it.. saying how i was not okay.. doint get me wrong,. i am not stupied enough to do anything stupied.. i just knowi am not okay.. I feel like i am on a out of controol roller coaster.. being nagry.. confused.. crying.. being so emotional about everything.. being very fearful.. i have been in this program long enough to know all this for me is not a good thing.. yet i have been hideing out.. have not hardly been online.. and if i have.. i have only sent out emails.. so to avoide people.. to be able to avoid talking as well.. as i dont know what to say. how to pin point what all this is.. becasue i dont know.. all i know is i feel like i am going crazy.. and i dont feel i have far to go at this point.. i all all this junk going on and all these things happening.. yet i cant tell you one thing that would go woth a feeling i am feeling.. and it makes me feel stupied when that happens.. so where do i go from here.. I am afaid if i talk to anyone then they will just blow me off and say that its just part of the game and perhaps it is.. however.. where do i go.. i have not even been calling anyone.. includeing my sponser.. i have been avoiding everyone and everyting.. the computer has not been to important eithere.. have not even been to an online meeting in.. hmmmmm.. i dont even remember last one.. anyways.. i will stop wasteing yalls time.. just wanted to see if this would help any.. thank you..
Cathy, Be good to yourself and take a deep breath. You will find your way. One step at a time, right? 1st journaling and then posting. Get yourself to an online meeting or face 2 face. Our friends here are never wasting our time!!!!
I remember you from some few years back. Congratulations for taking the first step again. You are always welcome here and in the meetings. You know from past experience what to do.
It's been said to me a time or two, we know we need a meeting when we don't want to go. That's when we need to go MOST.
This disease wants to get us alone. The key is not letting it. What you feel, many have also felt too. When we isolate and don't use this program, the disease wins. How do we know if/when this program is working? Well for me I know because I FEEL BETTER.
This program lets many, many walk away whenever they want to but then they tend to lose momentum and this stinkin' thinkin' disease creeps back into us.
I hope you get to a meeting, call your sponsor even though you probably know what she's going to say, come to the meetings here, keep posting.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
