The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, am obsessing, needing to vent, phew, working on not enabling. So when my son calls back about,losing wallet, car towed and, no ID at present to retrieve it. We(husband and me) had agreed...after many situations like this, we would not just send money etc. Anyhow, after husband spoke somewhat harsh a few days ago...just does not call for 5 days. Now I speak to him, agree we will send some ID from here that he could use....he is all ticked off that I do NOT agree to sending money. He has not worked this week(and could have... a few days anyway...says he is hurt when Dad is curt with him...so am thinking. okay so just took the week off and want me to send money, we have been pretty patient and caring and helping him...but now I see that he needs to help himself. This is so very hard, it is easier to just send money.
It just is so clear to me, that he puts blame always on someone else...not his choices(like getting drunk and losing wallet) I told him his choices are bringing on these circumstances (oh yeah), but dont think he really sees it. I really need to work on not obsessing with his situation and messed up view of the world, and let to and let God. He is in Gods hands, not mine. Tomorrow we go on a much needed vacation, and have to have a good time and let God take care of this young man. Thanks for listening, Mom T
OKay, Now it is 4AM, and I am just worried, is he okay? What will happen.Am afraid for him...how can I really enjoy myself when I dont know if he is okay. I know, I can say the words, andask my HP for help with this, I am asking a lot lately, I feel righteous...that this needs to happen(let him deal with what happens to him due to his drinking), but it is hard NOT to be the rescuer...that feels way better. So glad I can share on this forum, Mom T
I fully understand how you feel as a mother. I have a much older A son who has worried me to death off and on for years. He has always been one of those who managed in spite of it all...BUT we have also helped a lot. I have absolutely nothing to offer here which will help you because I suffer exactly the same thing.
Right now we have huge crisis going on. He is attending AA (or so he says and I think he means well, but may skip a bit) and is unemployed due to the economic situation here...lost his job about a month ago. He continues in grief over his two year old divorce and not being with his child daily. He, too, blames everyone and everything for his situation. The question now for us is: do we help with rent? do we help with utilities? do we help with child support? do we help with insurances? how much enabling are we doing if we provide help and he continues to drink? If we don't help, he will be evicted from his apartment; if we don't help he will lose his electricity and in the end it will cost more to re-connect. IF we don't help he will have no gas to job search. If we don't help he will have no food. If we don't help,he will be in trouble with child support. If we don't help.....it just goes on and on and on.
The reason I am upset today is that I "think" I could smell alcohol on him yesterday. And this morning I found he had called and left a 12:15 AM message on our machine....something which was stupid to call and leave, altho he knew the hour. He even said "it is 12:15" and in my opinion he had a slightly slurred speech. So it just goes on and on and on.
I wish you well and I am so sorry you are experiencing this all. Hope you can enjoy your vacation in spite of it. But realize that you are facing a very tough and hard disease with more failure than success, I believe. I wouldn't wish any mother/father to go through what we parents of A's do. Unfortunately, we can't divorce them!! Disown perhaps???? Lots of difference there. We can study and learn and put Al-Anon tools into use.....that is what I try to do, not always successfully.
