Been there done that.   I  earned the t-shirt for all the "topic feelings"... I absolutely cringe at those feelings and how they make me feel.  They made me dislike "me".

There is alot of the "topic feelings" here and understandably so.  Living with anyone's addiction can allow all of them to hit you at once at any given moment.  The question is, what do we do with all that emotion? 

Many hang on to it for years, even a lifetime as part of their identity.  Personally, I don't want to identify myself with a manmade label.   For example, someone may be self labeled ACOA, but that's not who YOU truly ARE.  Unless you choose to allow that  label to be your identity, it isn't.. 
We don't get over our losses and abuses.  We learn to live with them.  How we choose to do it is key.
 
As always, take what you like and leave the rest.  From past experiences in posting, my way of thinking can strike some nerves.  I won't apologize for it because it took a lot of work and way too long to get where I am.  If someone should respond with anger, it is all theirs to deal with.  That being said.....These are some things that worked for me as I discovered my spiritual self on the road to calm amidst mass chaos.

First, just stop, be still, give your mind and body a break from your thoughts, even if it's for just 10 min. 
Giving yourself at least 10 minutes of sitting outside, appreciating the birds, trees, flowers and sunsets can do wonders. 
While doing so...
Imagine and Visualize: Breathing in calm/peace/ HP's energy and the wonder of creation.  Breathe out... stress, anger and frustration.  Sound silly?  Give it a try  :)
There's no way to honestly sit in gratitude and appreciation while tuning in to nature and harbor internal angst at the same time.  You can only do one or the other.  Which do you choose?  The one your thoughts are familiar with or the one that hugs your spirit?

We sometimes get so wrapped up in our stress and anxiety that it becomes a way of life and who we think we are.  We become the stress and angst.  It becomes "The Norm".  We think, "This is what life handed me."   So, we just roll with it as best we can, like a snowball rolling downhill.  It gets larger and more massive to the point of exhaustion, illness and breakdown. 

For me, Awakening #1 was that I do not have to roll with it, feed off of the angst or be a stressed out bag of nerves.  I have a choice!!!!  We are the  creators of our thoughts and reactions.
Always, always remember you have choices, even over your thought patterns and feelings.  Yes, I said choice of feelings.  ( I hear grumbling amongst the masses..lol)  They don't just come from nowhere, our brain creates them. 

A few yrs. back I read a book (I can't remember what it was, I read a lot) that discussed catching, stopping, recognizing each time we have anxious or overwhelming thoughts of "topic words" that can never be beneficial to us, we can actually retrain our brain by catching ourselves in the act.  
Stop, acknowledge, and then purposely replace the current destructive, anxious, angry thought/feeling with a good thought/feeling of caring for self.   
It also makes one very aware of how often they inject venom in to their head and how often the pattern occurs.   No one likes to be around a constant complainer or a bad attitude.  Especially one you can't escape from!!   Choice, choice, choice.  You CAN escape.
When you realize how often you do it to yourself (by consciously stopping yourself everytime you notice) you really get a clear picture of how you treat yourself. 

Example: It works well on the road where I used to be the queen of labeling someone a  dumb *ss or stupid jerk.   The other driver never heard me talking to myself.  Who got upset with that injection of nastiness?  Yours truly!  If I wore a mood ring it would have surely been an ugly color.   Why do that to myself?
I would correct those thoughts with " I really hope you pay better attention, be safe" or "that person must have a lot on their mind, maybe a sick child, or an ailing parent". 
 
When I realized how often I had to stop myself, my next thought was Jeez Louise!!  I can't even stand me...lol  No wonder I feel miserable.  This IS NOT who I want to be or how I want to feel.
I used to get all worked up over things I had no control over and hang on to it tightly so I could rant and stress over it in my head, or to anyone else that would listen.. 
It somehow gave me purpose to have the constant drama in my head.  At least I knew what I was doing, I was chief martyr of my own making.   I was not lost in the abyss of not knowing what to do with all of "my stuff".   I knew darn well what to do with it.  Clutch it tightly, add to it constantly and commit it all to memory so I could use it against someone if needed, stress about it and never let it go.  Perfect!   NOT!!!!
I was the stressed out angry person that tried to make everything OK on a daily basis, then b*tch to myself cuz it didn't work.  The world wouldn't cooperate and just simply do things my way.

I finally came to learn "I" am not the sum of my past.   I know some people hate that line and strongly disagree with it, but it is my truth.   I don't have to allow anything to affect my life forever or make me bitter, and I haven't.    Those that know my details understand why I am secure in this comment and know that it comes from a tragic loss.  
I am only a person forever controlled by someone else's actions or the "topic words" if I choose to be.  I do have to allow or disallow, it's my call.
 
My brain's thoughts (fed by my angry ego) and my spirit are totally two different entities.  My spirit wants to be one with HP and nature, which I believe was the original plan until we allowed our heads to take over.

It was a long road that finally allowed my spirit to lead (first I had to find it) instead of my brain.  It is a process for sure, but one that has brought me peace in the very darkest of times.
It's work, it's choice, and awareness of becoming the change you dream to be.

"Experiments in quantum physics, in fact, do show that simply looking at something as tiny as an electron - just focusing our awareness upon what it's doing for even an instant in time - changes its properties while we're watching it. The experiments suggest that the very act of observation is an act of creation, and that consciousness is doing the creating."

Gregg Braden - THE DIVINE MATRIX

"The very act of observation is an act of creation , and that consciousness is doing the creating."     Absolutely!!  Create the change by being conscious of your thoughts!

The second you recognize the thought that doesn't feel good (no matter how valid you think it is), you , at that moment have a choice.  There's a fork in the road.  You can feed and create havoc within yourself, increasing the negative emotion, or you can choose to stop yourself and be kind to your spirit and seek inner peace.  Even if you believe you have no spirit, why choose to feed your internal turmoil?  Who does it hurt?  Only you!!

When I recognized my negative emotions as a form of self abuse it changed my perspective.  Not self abuse as in...I told myself I was worthless.  The self abuse was due to my choice of negative emotional thought  that always made me miserable and upset at someone, something, or situation. 
Life sucked and wasn't fair at all.  What I didn't know is that I wasn't really stuck or trapped.  My only trap was in my own mind, self created and designed by me.  I just didn't know it.

It sank in..(light bulb moment), "If I'm responsible for the creation of who I really am, then I also have a responsibility to protect myself from myself and my own crippling thoughts".
It was a revelation to me that no one could "make" me mad or "make" me * insert any adverse thought or feeling. 
Now days, if someone would say something really hateful and hurtful, to me I don't internalize it for a second.  My first thought is that they haven't connected with their spirit.  When you do connect and allow it to lead, you not only want to protect your own, but protect other hurting spirits as well.

I control what I want to feed my inner spirit.  I no longer feel justified or that it is my God given right to have resentments, hold on to my rightious anger (darnit!  I was sure that was justified!) or make judgements about others, addict or not.  When I think of the addict's soul/spirit, I feel empathy.  It is so lost and not nurtured at all. 
 
I don't have to stop and identify feelings so much anymore.   Partially out of habit, but more out of love for the very core of who I am, a part of Source Energy (HP) that is collectively one and is the energy that we share with all living things that never die.  Since I believe we are all one, if I harm another, I harm myself.

Thanks for hanging with me if you made it this far  :)

Christy