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OH BOY! This isn't good! My Ex-AH's birthday is coming up soon and I am soooooooooo tempted to buy him a card! We have been apart for over a year and a half now and divorced for 3 months and I still find my self itchin' to step out of my boundaries and see if he'll respond back by sending him a card or calling him. Is that crazy or what? And now there's a country song out by a guy name Keith Anderson/I'm Still Missing You...UGH HELP! It makes me weak! All these little"triggers" are creeping up in my life here lately that make me want to cry and wish I was still with him! KNOWING FULL WELL...It's not WISE AT ALL after all this time! On Sunday, a few days ago, "Pretty Woman" was on t.v...and I just knew it was going to make me cry at the end. But, low and behold a friend called and that ruined the movie, so maybe it was good timing on HP's part to keep me from feeling sorry for myself and making a phone call at the end of that movie I didn't need to make! I feel alot better reading posts of others going thru that "withdrawl" stage from the "A" in their life (male & female)...after so much time has passed by. It makes me sick to think that I am still not completely healed myself from the effects of HIS disease! Is there ever, ever, ever, gonna be a time when they get out of our system?? Tryin' to stay strong, AFMOM03
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
Try and remember you are right where your supposed to be right at this very moment! Be gentle with yourself and remember we are just works in progress... Hugs Mare
it is tempting!! it seems natural to me to go out of my way to get/do something for my ex. what attracts me to that chaos?
for me, it is that I am a convenient forgetter... I forget how terrible and crazy life was, and remember the loving times! it is like my psyche's way of dealing with the post-traumatic stress. then I miss her and yearn for those good times...
so, it is good for me to talk about it with my "al-afamily", and get help seeing the red flags, again.
much love and hope, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
You are not dealing with his disease but your own. His disease is the addiction to the chemical and your's is the addiction to the person. Certainly you are not in denial anymore about where you are at and what you are feeling and thinking even using the word withdrawal shows awareness as does the card. There is no such thing as a divorce unless it is listed as a lobotomy (LOL). As long as you have memory and some of those were wishes come true and some were battles you won you will be connected. Stay connected in the ways where the consequences are acceptable and within your ability to control and leave the familiar insanity out in the north forty of some other country. One of the recovery awarenesses for me was the investment in mind, body, spirit, emotions and more that we put into the relationship. It might have not ended up a good investment for what came of it and it was intense in effort and expectations. That kind of investment comes with hooks and hooks usually have barbs. So now you are divorced and attempting to dislodge the hooks that pierced everywhere. What I found out was taking the hooks out would have hurt much less if there were not any of those nasty little barbs that hurt like hell everytime I tried to take out out. The barbs are there for a reason and that is to stop the hook from backing out. Pushing forward to loosen the hook creates pain. Pulling back to dislodge the point hurts worse. If hooks didn't have barbs pulling them out would be painless and then that isn't reality. Expect the pain...it's intense and temporary. The healing process and time eliminates the pain. Get your motives and intentions in line cause sending a card could be acknowledgement of a relationship and also an attempt to flirt or a bunch of things also. It gets less crazy when surrender to your HP and practice in reality and practice the program.
Keep coming back cause this works if you work it. (((((hugs)))))
18 months is not a very long time and a divorce does not mean you stop caring. I did what the A's in AA do and I prayed to HP to released me from my desire to engage with my A. And my desire is gone. I still think of him, I still have mixed emotions (I still love the man I thought he was, NOT the man he turned out to be). But time and total NO CONTACT with my ex is what has helped. And the NO CONTACT was the hardest thing I have ever done!!! Seems easy enough, I don't call, he doesn't call....no contact. But man, it is HARD. But so worth it!! Cry, scream, call friends or family, get to a meeting, read the lit, work on a fouth step, pick up a hobby, get a dog, start dating (if you're ready). There is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with the A. Focus back on yourself, check your motives for wanting to contact him.....this awful feeling of lonelyness will pass. That is for sure. If you call him when you are feeling so very down, what do you expect will happen? Remember how our expectations get us into trouble?
Reading your post made me admire your strength and courage. Actually going through the divorce is awesome! I had filed for divorce from my A and stayed seperated for about 4 months and felt very good about the matter. But I don't know...something made me cave in and I came back to him. "wish I would not have"
Nothing is wrong with feeling the way you do. If you can't resist the urge to buy the card, don't mail it right away. Hold onto it for a while. I bet you change your mind sooner or later.
All these little"triggers" are creeping up in my life here lately that make me want to cry and wish I was still with him! KNOWING FULL WELL...It's not WISE AT ALL after all this time! On Sunday, a few days ago, "Pretty Woman" was on t.v...and I just knew it was going to make me cry at the end. But, low and behold a friend called and that ruined the movie, so maybe it was good timing on HP's part to keep me from feeling sorry for myself and making a phone call at the end of that movie I didn't need to make! I