The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is odd that after all I have been through in the past week that I am back in a place where I have been ohhh so many times before. I last spoke to my AH at 5:17 yesterday and have not heard from at all since then. It is now 9:40 a.m.. My old ways are so wanting to come back, call him just to see if he answers. Go over to his house and see if he is home. Text him to see if he responds. I so far have done none of those things, working my program and trying to make sure I remain detached. I am fighting those urges to do all of the above and am succeding so far. There have been times in the past that I get these nagging feelings and I have felt that something was different with the disappearance, and usually it was. I have that feeling now but am resisting the urge to do what I have always done. I have always tried to live by "No news is good news". I came to the board to remind myself of all of these things and draw some strength in working my program. I have many fears that I am dealing with, first that we finally got my son's financial aid taken care of and we are supposed to take him to school on Monday to move him in. My daughter is moving this weekend and my mother will be here tomorrow, no something I had wanted to deal with right now but she is coming and that is that. My other son, 14, is going into high school and working out for football. I no longer worry about what other people think about me, that is their issue not mine. I know that I still have a lot of work left to do and continue on that journey daily. I do have many thing to do to prepare for my mother's arrival, she said she in not staying over night. Why, I don't know and don't have the time to decipher her reasons for anything she does. I have my own stuff to take care of. I love her to death but her judements bother me so much. I appreciate her insights but I have to take what I need and leave the rest. I am going to focus on what I need to get done today and start working on that RIGHT NOW!! Thanks for listening/reading. I so love this board!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, I hear so much strength in your post! Resisting the urges to fall back into old patterns can be very tough. The way that I keep myself from doing the "drive-bys" is to really think about the consequences of my actions and what it will accomplish. Fact is, for me there is no benefit - by acting on it I am just relieved of one obsessive thought so I can go to another. It's still a work in progress for me, but at least I can say that these days I am more successful than not. Also, the truth is, you will eventually find out if he is okay or not. You don't need to stir up the chaos right now when you have so much to do. Stay strong!
You've got a lot going on right now, and are working a good program. It's inspiring. Thanks for posting and sharing. I wish you a very productive day!
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
(((Michelle))) HUGS!!! Sounds to me you and your HP are doing a great job. HP is taking care of the things you have no control over, and you are working the program. It sure makes it easier when you ask HP for some help to lighten your load.
Your attitude should be a inspiration to anyone who knows you or has read any or your prior post. You have gone through more than your share of adversity, with family problems coming at you from all directions, to health problems that are life threating. But, through it all you have displayed an amazing amount of will and character. I am proud of you Michelle. Hugs Again, RLC
Well it is now 3:15 and still no word. I have not done a drive by, call or text. I have been down this road with him before and usually it's just him binging. I figure eventually he will contact me, if not I am starting to take precautions to make sure the kids and I are taken care of. If he was arrested or something like that who knows what that will hold in store for us. Whatever it holds for him is his own deal not mine. I just have to keep my head straight and stay positive about my program. I think I have done well. If this had been another time I would have been on the phone with all kinds of people getting them in on the hunt, but if they don't miss him then they don't miss him. I have also made the decision to not let the kids know, I have discreetly asked them if they had talked to their dad but nobody has. He is probably at work and has no concern about letting me know anything so, there it is. It is what is, missing in action or not.
Ohh so funny! I got a text message from my AH, asking me why I hadn't called him. Ha! I told him that I had called him and texted him last night and got no response so I was waiting to hear from him. I don't think he actually responded to me on that but that was all I had to say on the subject. Thanks everyone for your support, I am quite proud of myself in keeping with my program. I will admit that it was difficult but I did it.
Very proud of YOU!!!!!!!! I hope to gain that kind of strength... "I am know for burning up the cell phone" Such great detachment on your behalf!!! High Five!
Way to go! My AH went to the store the other night and was supposed to be getting only a few things. He was gone for 3+ hours. I was anxious and panicing then. I can't imagine the strength it took for you not to call or text him.
