The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I keep thinking that when he was incarcerated we got along so well. I know that sounds stupid, but we had great phone converstations, visits, etc. When he got out he was sweet and eager to be with me. I tried to go with this, but also said stuff like "maybe we can't get along" "we argue about everything." He said that I wouldn't let him be nice to me. I said maybe he should go somewhere else until he gets it together. Yet, I think I also made it clear he was welcome here. I always answer when he calls and called him several times today- which he seems to have ignored. I am just afraid that my insecurity and anxiety is so unattractive that my inability to relax will always prevent us from being together....thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Sorry no your insecurities and anxiety didn't push him away. I have found that with my AHsober the good stuff is the same as the bad stuff - it is all the disease.
It occurs to me that you are soooooo concerned about what he thinks of you but have no thought as to what you think of him. Do you think he sits and spends his days and nights worrying and concerning himself with what you must think of him? It keeps coming back to the same thing, in reality there is nothing you can do about it anyway. He's going to do what he's going to do. What are you going to do? I know that I was TOO available. When you present yourself as being available 24/7 you open the door to being treated like a welcome mat. I see this as a boundaries issue - your boundaries. I would have to work very hard to keep myself from picking up the phone and calling and even harder to keep from answering when he called. Let reality happen, sit back and do nothing and wait and see what unfolds when you put forth no effort. That is the true measure of his feelings - what he puts out there on his own. It's important to protect yourself from jumping back into the drama with both feet! Only you can control your own actions and reactions to things. Only you can choose how you feel about a situation. When I used to feel jealous of my A I worked really hard to detach myself from anything to do with him. Time and distance really do heal a lot of wounds! Is it really him you're in love with or the idea of him? I had to grasp that, the idea was not the same as the reality of the man.
I find that with my AHubby if I show that I am feeling down and low he is competely fine with it. That is part of the control that he likes...he doesn't want to see me happy. Misery loves company, right?
When I hold my head up high, put a pep in my step, fix my hair, and work it...my A has to run to keep up!
