The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Prior to my A going to jail he was seeing another girl- who I, of course, thought was inappropriate- an unneccesary judgement on my part I know. While he was incarcerated we talked about her- she apparently sent lots of letters, etc. He told me it wasn't anything serious, but that he genuinely liked her as a person, even missed her company, etc. This is the same time period that he was telling me that he was back in love with me, etc. Anyway, he called me this morning, etc. I tried to call him at least 3 times this afternoon and he didn't answer. My child asked to see him so I sent him a text message stating this- no response. Then his mom just called me and told me that he has gone to dinner with this other woman. I don't know if this is the first time he has seen her since release- he just got out Friday. I know that I went out to dinner with someone the night he got out- but let's face it- I told the A about it prior and even went to pick up the A after the date. AHH...it's like my stomach is in a big knot now- knowing that he is out with her. The thought that he enjoys her company more than mine hurts my ego and my feelings. I guess all the "dreaming" I did while he was incarcerated was just that. I do see how the two of them are more alike than he and I. I cannot understand him as much as she does I suppose. He doesn't seem able to really relax around me. So if she makes him happy I should just let go...let go...let go...
I hear you. When they are A's they will hang out with who or whatever feeds that alcoholic ego. It is hard to not take it personally. And I don't really think it is about us. The A's tell us what we want to hear to kinda of keep us close in case the other one doesn't work out. In the Getting Them Sober books it says we are being rejected by a reject and that we never really had them, that the disease has them. Like I said hard to hear this but it gives us permission to focus on ourselves.
Very difficult indeed. Like our good friend canadian guy says "He's gonna drink (or do whatever he's going to do) but what are you going to do about it?" meaning what can you do for You, about You, with You.
Keep on keepin' on, you are doing great, one step at a time, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I didn't mean to imply in this post that by going out with this other woman that the A had violated our trust or anything. Though we discussed our "possible plans" post incarcertaion, this is not something I have pursued nor has he really so he is not in the wrong here. It is jut my reaction to the date that concerns me- because it was such a jealous, ego, out of control- what he if takes off with her- reaction. Like this is the beginning of the end. I don't know that but it is what I fear. Again, thanks for listening!
