The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dear All, As some of you know, my A-step mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer which has now spread to her brain. I had not been on speaking terms with her but had offered to bring her daughters by car from the airport etc. Today my father asked me to call to the house and Barbara and I talked cordially and in my heart I have forgiven her. I truly did not believe this was possible as I was very bitter about certain issues but by detaching and just setting boundaries and following hp I now know the impossible is possible. I have committed to doing the small things, providing transport, doing the laundry and have asked my son who is very close to her to look on her if my father needs to go to the nearest village, he is very happy to do this and they feel comfort in this as she forgets now to use her walker and forgets where she is, though otherwise she is very sharp. I know it was these board members who helped me realise that alcholism is also a disease and in many ways so much worse than cancer. I ask you for your prayers for Barbara and my father and help me to do as much as I can with a willing heart in these troubled times.
Amazing isn't it - when you look for the sore spot that has been there so long, and it's just gone!
I think you're showing good judgement - helping out, but not going to great extremes, not spending lots of time with her personally. No point in straining the new serenity to its limits.
Amazing how this program works, here you are doing for someone you thought you could not forgive and now I can sense an acceptance, a gratitude for yourself and how far you've come.
Way to go! Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I think this idea of making peace with A's is really so USEFUL for me because lets face it, I am surrounded by so many A's. Not just one or two but more than that- I no longer avoid them but have come to accept that they are always going to be around. At first I wanted to avoid them completely (very black and white) and never have anything to do with any of them but I would need to buy my own island in order to do that! Which I cannot afford but also, why would I want to isolate myself so much?
I am learning, SLOWLY, to accept that A's are gonna be around, always have been, always will be.
This is why I need this program every day, every week, every month and year of my life from here on out.
AND, not only are A's going to be around. They are going to be my relatives, my friends, my lovers- they just are! Acceptance is key. There are so many good qualities to A's, too- its just a matter of degree of how much "in" my life I will allow them to be. MY BOUNDARIES (as defined by my HP) are key to making peace with the A's all around me.
I am reminded of what Jerry said recently about how he can get close to A's because his HP is closer. I really do believe this is true and I am beginning to relax into this idea and thought- In a way, its the ultimate protection, right? If HP is my protection, thats the best protection anyone could ever hope to have!!!
