The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just had a 2 day visit from my kids, it was insightful. For those who have followed my alanon journey, my daughter it seems has finally recovered not only physically, but mentally from her car accident she is doing so great. HP truely answers our prayers. All three of us had a good talk about the wreck, although it was painful we were able to just get it out with out too many tears being shed.
My son, well he still is struggling but hopefully from our conversation he will be able to see the joy the progress my daughter has made brought to her life.
As for myself, I guess I just realise now how much terrible stuff was going on with my little family and that we all had our own way of grieving. I just was so much of a control freak I couldn't understand why they were not grieving the way I thought they should. I also see that what I thought was impossible at that time (forgiveness of my ex) has come to pass. I actually feel sorry for the pains of his addiction and that it is his problem to deal with when and if he see's fit. i was shocked when I thought of him in that way. I still have some work to do, I am still angry? I don't know if that is the word but not settled with the fact that he gave so much meth to our son but our son stands strong on the fact that taking the drug was his choice. So, I still have somethings on my to do list and that is ok. I gave up on graduating from alanon a while ago.
My son has warrents out for his arrest and I pray daily that he will turn himself in and get it over with. As far as this goes, that is all I said to him on that topic. Well.....that's not true, when he left I told him if he decided to turn himself in and needed some moral support I would take off work and come with him....Just couldn't stop myself.
So there is where our journey is at. The tears come at this point of my posting. We are so much better, I just hate what my kids have gone through. What a load of pain! But WE ARE MAKING IT!
All I can say is thank god for alanon and Thank god for sticking with us. Otherwise I know we wouldn't have made it this far.
It sounds like you have found a little peace since your last post. Sometimesyou really just do need to take some deep breaths and give yourself some time. As for the anger - I think allowing yourself to feel the anger might be the first step to losing it. You can't really move on to forgiveness until you truly acknowledge how angry and hurt you are. Feel it, and then let it go.
