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Does the maddness ever end? Besides being married to an A, my brother is a meth addict. Recently he ask me to write a letter to a judge saying he's been attending NA, this would keep him from going to jail. Why can't he write his own letter? I don't get it, why wouldn't he just attend NA now he wants to come up with this bogus letter. He's going to start NA, he promised. yeah right, this has been an ongoing problem and as far as I'm concerned it's stupid, if you want to get drunk or do drugs, well there are consequences! duh? If you were me and this was your brother would you write the letter, tell the truth please.
For me I would detatch from him. I would be worried about getting in trouble for forgery or creating false documents. You can not control what happens. You don't have that much power.
I completely agree with StargazerLily. I would never write a letter regardless of who it was for. Sure, deep inside you dont want to see someone that you care about thrown into jail. But, if its come to this, he should have taken the necessary steps himself to avoid, or correct, this situation. If it was me I wouldnt write the letter. God forbud something happens, then I'd live with that guilt forever.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
No, I would never write this letter, however before alanon I might have for my son. However Alone now that I have a bit of alanon under my belt, I truely believe that an alcoholic will never, never get sober unless they have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Now if he was going to NA meetings I would more than likely write a book for the judge...hehe just a little truthful humor there.
Spend your time learning the principals of alanon and learning to take care of yourself, it will time much better spent for all involved.
I agree, I would NOT write that letter. He has not earned what he is asking you to do, if he were, he would have someone else write it. Of course you dont want to see him go to jail, but what would happen if you DID write the letter and then something horrible happened? And, would you write that letter for someone OTHER than your brother in the same circumstance? seeking peace, jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
Because he is your brother, because you care about him, that's the reason not to write the letter.
Here's a little excerpt from "Letter from your alcoholic", which can be found in the pamphlet "Three Views of Alanon" which is one of the best of the pamphlets, to my mind.
"Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily. Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice. Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking. Don't lie for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you provide an automatic escape for the consequences of my drinking."
(((Alone))) I am reminded of an old saying. "I would not touch that with a ten foot pole". That is just me. My answer to him would be "NO"and easy for me to say, because to me it is simple, it is the difference between right and wrong. RLC
I'm with the group on this one for sure.. .there is NO way I will ever lie, or put my reputation into question, for the sake of an A, so they can avoid their consequences of their behaviors, under the facade of "I'm going to stop soon" promises....
Under the dictionary description of "enabling", I think your brother's request is found....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Yes, I know when my brother lived with me for seven months and before I found alanon, I enabled all the time, I certainly would have written the letter and even felt compelled to do so, now I would not,
My brother is an A, and I can say with certainty if he were to call today with the same request, I would say "no". Besides all the reasons given above, it would also just be postponing the inevitabale. Don't be surprised if when you say "no", your A uses that as the reason not to start going to NA.... It's crazy!
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
One more big vote for "no". Let him get hit with some consequences for his actions (or inactions as the case may be). It may be painful to watch - but his death would be much more painful to watch. Let him go. Detach with love.
Does the madness ever end? Probably not, it just slows down a bit so we can catch our breath. But I like to believe that it has too otherwise I would crack up.
As for your brother, that's up to him to convince the judge not you. Let me ask you the same question this way: If this were your child who didn't do his/her homework and never did, would you write a letter to their teacher saying "She didn't do her homework because the dog ate it?" At what point do you stop making excuses for your child? When they become 19? When do they start to learn the meaning of responsibility?
As much as I truly believe that addiction is a cunning, powerful, baffling disease there are choices to make. I always made it clear to hubby that if he ever got into trouble with the law over his drinking, the legal consequences would be up to him to resolve, not me. I would bring his pills to jail along with all the med sheets. That's it. The rest would be up to him. Thankfully we never had to go there.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks to all and (((hugs))) to each of you, I already knew it was wrong and now only pray to stay strong on my decision not to write the letter. It irritates me that he would ask me anyway, when he got into trouble I told him he needed to go to treatment or attend NA, but "no" he didn't need that, and now it looks like he did.
Hope this helps, this is my truth, this is my response, this is the same reply I would give to my own child or dearest friend for their safety and sanity.
The biggest "NO" for me would be that writing the letter would reinforce that he doesn't have to be responsible for his actions. In effect, it would be much like telling him that the drug use (and all the of the craziness that comes with it) is okay.
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
