The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He's going to therapy. He's "weaned" down to 1-2 drinks a day. While I'm around that is. This way he leaves the door open to binge when I'm not around. Last week I took the kids on vacation and he binged the whole time I was gone, and denied it of course. He's so proud that he's only drinking a little every day, and it's "only beer". So sad. He promised he would stop after his vacation in June. Looked me right in the eye and promised. He won't/can't. Says if he wants to keep drinking I can't stop him. I realize this. However I can choose not to live this way anymore. So I'm filing for divorce. I am sad, but resigned to it. He is emotionally and verbally abusive when he drinks, and I am worth more and better. Tough patch ahead, but also better days. Thanks for listening.
BK, you sound good, you know. Yes, I lived with the verbal, psychological and emotional abuse and when it turned physical, I got a divorce. We have no control over anyone elses choices- only our own, you are right! Yes, its going to get worse but I completely agree that we are worth it. We do not have to live with active drinking in our lives, under our roof, in our rooms. I chose not to and I choose not to today. I have been through a rough transition but have ZERO regrets, that is for sure. I will NEVER live with a drinker again, hugs, J.
I understand completely! I would not allow myself to continue to be verbally and emotionally abused. I divorced the A two and a half years ago, and I never regretted that decision. We are still a couple, but when he decides to binge, he can hit the road. "See you when it's over" is my attitude now.
Tomorrow he has a court date. He was arrested a couple months ago for public drunkenness. Don't know how it will all turn out. I don't really care actually. It is so good to be free of the hassle ...to say nothing of the financial responsibility.
I truly wish you well as you travel on your journey. Take care of YOU. That's all that's important.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Thank you both so much for your responses. It has taken me months of therapy to get here. The proverbial last straw was when I was on vacation with my kids at my sister's he threatened harm to my animals that he was home with, and threatened to turn off my utilities. I just can't live that way, nor can I subject my children to any more of it. I wish he would leave today, but I have to talk to legal counsel on Wednesday to find out what my options are about having him removed.
I know this may be hard to really understand now but in a way, it was such a relief to really experience my limit. I used to think I could just do anything and float along, take it all and not flinch. It was exhausting and made me a resentful b*tch. Now I know I have limitations and its like halleluja- I have choices and options and limits and can CHOOSE instead of just "taking it" all the time. I have come to thank my soon to be ex AH for this because w/o his disease, I never would have gotten to know the freedom I now know- the freedom to choose. hugs, J.
I know how you feel. I am in the same situation myself. Having divorced one A 12 years ago, it looks like I got myself into the same situation again. Funny how that happens. I guess I got confused as he was just dressed up a little better then the first one. :) Anyhow, I am struggling with this decision. I recently started a new job, and need to wait until it becomes permanent so that I can make sure I have a steady income. I also have a son starting college so I want him to move first. I am getting my ducks in a row as they say. My A can be so nice when he is not drinking but when he is he seems to concentrate on me....I am the blame for everything. I have had years of therapy so I know enough to know that it is about him, not me. Still the situation sucks. Just letting you know I am feeling for you and hope it all goes well. You will feel better.
