The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I am new here, and not sure if it will help. I have just been searching the net for places or ideas. My G/F is an alcoholic. I have just recently found out how bad she really is. Of course I have gone through the natural, first reactions of anger, pleading etc...I don't know what to do next. I don't want to type this long drawn out post, but anyone with any help, ideas, I'm all ears. Thanks in advance.
Hi.... welcome to MIP.... This board, and Al-Anon, etc., will be as much help as you let us/them be.... it's really up to you on that one.... I had an A-wife, and was beyond my wit's end..... I learned a lot at Al-Anon, and here, and by reading various things.... One book I would recommend to get you started is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews.... it will teach you a LOT about what you need to do, for YOU..... to be able to make it through this...
Hope it helps, and I'd encourage you to keep coming back, and sharing your questions/story/concerns...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My first suggestion would be to find a meeting. If you aren't comfortable doing that quite yet there are meetings in the MIP chatroom, although it's not quite the same as sitting face to face with people and learning from their experiences.
You will quickly learn there isn't much you can do to change the alcoholic, so we change ourselves. We begin by acknowledging we are powerless over alcohol. No amount of begging, dumping it down the drain or yelling will change it. Only the alcoholic is in control of their situation.
When we quit trying to control what is happening, we can finally take a breath and take steps to help our own situation. We tend to get all wrapped up in fighting against what they are doing and forget about what WE need.
It takes work. There are no easy answers. No one will judge you on your progress or whether you stay with her or leave. It's all about what you need to do for yourself to get and stay mentally healthy.
So, welcome brother. You have just found a group of people that understand like no one else can and that will be here for you to lift you when you fall and cheer you on.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thank you for the welcome and suggestions. Guess my first step is to find me a meeting. Thank you again. i do have another questions, if anyone would know. If she does decide to enter some kind of rehabiliation place, is there somewhere she can get financial help? She can't use FMLA because she hasn't been with her employer for 12 months, and she makes a bit too much for Medicaid. Thanks.
Diobalikal, You mentioned going to a meeting. The f2f meetings will be good for you, more than you can ever know. You will meet some wonderful people that you will immediately realize you have much in common with. To read about some members experiences at their first meeting type in "first Al-Anon meeting" at the top of the page under Search. There are 69 previous posts and responses about someone attending there 1st f2f meeting. You will get an awful lot out of some of those responses, and can also type in other key words that will bring up prior topics of interest to you.
We are here to help you with ESH, experience, strength, and hope. All of us are either walking in your shoes are have been in your shoes. I am walking in you shoes because my AW is an active alcoholic. I tell you that only to let you know that your outlook,coping skills, and that "Swirling-Merry-Go-Round" feeling you have in your stomach will go away. Not over night, but it will go away as you learn the tools of this program.
When we say we are glad you are here, to keep coming back, and that we care, those are not just empty words. We mean ever one of them. RLC
I do not know alot about this but I do know a bit. Some states/counties have more social service programs than others. There is financial aid out there but it depends upon many factors. For example, my best friend just got herself a detox bed at a county hospital. She stayed there for like a couple of weeks. Now she is out and getting ready to go into a longer-term program. I think the couny/state paid for the initial two weeks along with her insurance abut the longer term program she and her family pay for...its complicated and each case is different. I do know that the shorter term, initial program is almost usually never enough- a longer term program is pretty necessary in order to get some serious recovery underway, from my own experience.
welcome and u gotta stop doing that , you will get a headache. Please find meetings for yourself and quick , there is nothing u can do about her but alot u can do for yourself, learn about this disease and detach from her behavior , we are enablers and as long as we keep rescuing them nothing will ever change , we lie for them , we cover up thier mistakes , we believe the lies , we make excuses for t hier behavior to other people , until we stop doing those things it only gets worse . Detach with love , and allow her the dignity to grow up and take responsibiltiy for her own crap. good luck Louise
Thanks to everyone for the kind words and support. I did go to my first meeting last night. Everyone there was great and I will be going back. Thanks again. D.
