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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> standing up for myself
Post Info TOPIC: standing up for myself
buick23


Senior Member

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Posts: 325
Date:
standing up for myself
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After no communication with my Asober for 3 days since I took care of my car, I broke the silence. I asked him why he hasn't said a word to me, and mentioned that we hadn't done anything together in 3 weeks. He blamed me of course but I didn't take it. I told him to stop blaming everything on me. I stood up for myself once again. I was not being mean and did not yell, I just plain out told him what I thought.

Afer a while he started talking about the 'real issue'. There is a chance (as I mentioned in an earlier post) that he has to go to jail if he doesn't pay the fine. I told him I understood that he's upset about it, and I told him it is not fair to take it out on me, which he has the last 3 days.

I suppose the fact that he's newly sober or 'stark raving sober', lost his job, and facing jailtime, most likely not 'working' his program, it makes it all unbearable for him.

I have learned that the world does not fall apart when I stand up for myself. It feels good. I also like how I am able to 'let him' handle his own problems nowdays.

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debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3131
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(o:

This was so great to read. There is one of your miracles! You can see the addict for who it is.

Yes A's have to care about themselves enough to be on a program, get another job, face the court system.

If he has to pay fines, ????So get a job,uno?

Look at you, you are taking your steps to keep your path healthy.

thank you for sharing! love,debilyn

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buick23


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Posts: 325
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Besides being an A, I believe he is a workaholic. Everytime he has lost a job (usually due to the drinking) it was like the end of the world to him. I guess this time is no different. His job loss seems to have to do with his A boss drinking again after about 15 years of sobriety I think.

It's been a week and he's still looking for work. I have faith in him even if he does not. Something will work out.

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kitty


~*Service Worker*~

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"I have learned that the world does not fall apart when I stand up for myself." -Buick

Isn't that amazing! Wow, what a fantastic realisation! I also loved how you specifically told him not to blame you and that you were no longer taking &/or accepting responsibility for HIS blame. You are clearly no longer enabling him in his sickness & I can imagine, it must be very liberating, while giving you your own sense of power back. Kudos, you rock! Keep up the good work!

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
BK911


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Posts: 11
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I'm glad you stood up for yourself. It's hard. It has taken me a whole lot of therapy to do the same.
Funny how even sober *we* are at fault for everything. Funny sad, not funny ha-ha.
Hang in there.


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