The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have asked my AB to leave I have finally realised I am powerless and that I have a addiction I am a fixer, co dependent put everyones needs before my own. I am trying to concentrate on my life and I do believe in HP. However I am finding step 3 really hard I know I carnt change my AB, Iknow my life is a mess I try to hand over to HP but then I need to know the outcome. I have told my AB we need a big break with no contact. I have said no more promises I need action. He says he will get a job, flat etc. I know he wont cause he still says hes not an A that he can do this alone that he was just running. I am tired and trying to concentrate on me. I have isolated myself from friends and family but have just opened up and told them I need support to stop me from turning to him when I am lonely. Its mad WHY do I miss him so much. I must be really low he brings me so much pain but I love him so much finding this really hard. but I know what kind of relationship I want and he carnt give it to me. I hope HPs will is for him to solve his probs and for us to be together see my will I know HP knows whats best but at mo I just want him
In the beginning, we miss them so much because they are such HUGE people- they suck all the oxygen out of rooms with their charisma, trauma, drama and acting out. They generate a giant persona that completely engulfs those who choose to hang around them. like a giant black hole of need, they take and take and our heads spin and we loose our horizon line. At least, this was how it was for me. I totally lost myself in the drama of my soon to be ex AH. When I left him there was a giant hole in my life. I had devoted all my time, attention, energy, skills, thoughts, actions, simply everything about me to him and his massive needs, demands, perspectives, trying desperately to understand him, make sense of the situation, contort myself this way and that way, stretch myself here and there and all over the place- we feel so completely alone after all this, of course!! Its totally normal. don't u think? Its no surprise that these people leave gaping holes in the lives of the people they get involved with. Two years later I still feel like I was run over by a Mac Truck. Hugs, J.
Part of it is the fact that you isolated yourself from friends of family. That's what happens when you spend life with an active A. You CAN'T make plans to be with family or friends, because they usually fall through - or end up in some embarassing way. So - your life becomes your A. When the A is gone - suddenly there's NO-ONE. That's a big hole.
If you haven't already - please consider getting yourself to Al-Anon face to face meetings. Be with those who have walked in your shoes. There's strength there. It will get easier for you. Loneliness won't kill you. Let it inspire you to take care of yourself first.
I understand exactly what you are going through. I am trying very hard to end a relationship with my girlfriend. She is a binge drinker and drinks on average once every 3-6 months. In between she is the most beautiful person I have ever come into contact with. It breaks my heart to contemplate my life without her. I'm not even sure I will ever be able to. At the moment, sleep, eat and life in general are all a mountain to climb. I am trying my hardest to get through each hour until I reach the end of the day. I hope that I will find the inner peace that I feel I so deserve. Take heart.
I am kind of in the same situation as Brizzle Gal. My girlfriend is a "closet" alcoholic, and just getting worse. We have been friends for so long, and now in a relationship, and I do care for her so much, but I am afraid at some point my only choice will be to move on. when she isn't drinking, she is the most caring, sweetest person I have ever known.
It feels like I could have written your post- though if you have read any of mine - you will set that at least once I have. :) I feel your pain tonight. I know that might not make it better- but you are understood.
