In  a previous post, I explained how my abf relapsed after 35 days.  Part of the reason for his relapse, or his excuse for it anyway, is that he is facing demotion, he is currently a sargent in the Army National Guard.  The reason he is facing demotion is because he has always been the party boy, and after 6 yrs, they know that it is more than simply being the party boy.  After his last drill, there were cans and bottles found around the drill site.  Well, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that they probably came from him, at least some of them.  He swears to me they werent his and that they are wrong for pointing the finger at him.  I explained to him that if it looked like a duck, etc, it probably was a duck, and that they were basing their decision on his past behavior.  He has been freaking out and obsessing over it for DAYS! 
Apparently, there is a chain of command he must follow to even get to explain himself, and after going thru the appropriate people, it is now known to them that he is involved in a recovery program.  He was feeling better about that and thought he may be spared the demotion.  While we were eating dinner last night, he told me that his platoon leader, who is the first person in his chain, called him and invited him over to hang with the guys and have a few beers!  He actually said he was going to go, though he thought he was being set up.  We had words, as I said, how can someone who knows what you are going thru extend that kind of invitation, and more importantly, WHY would you accept it?
He said it was b/c he needed to prove to them that he wasnt drinking, that he could go and NOT drink.  I said I didnt feel he was strong enough for that, and why put himself into a situation where the temptation may be too strong to resist.  After some arguing, he yelled that he was going and xxxx you.  I said, fine, go, its your choice, but that I was making my own choice to go and spend the night with a friend and left the room to go pack my bag.  He followed me yelling, go ahead, pack up your xxxx and what you cant take will be on the lawn tomorrow when you get home.  Everything in this apt. belongs to me.  I had visions of my furniture  etc. sitting on the curb, but I didnt back down.  He didnt end up going, admitting to me that I was right, that if he DID go, he would end up drinking.  I didnt go either.  When he calmed down enough I explained to him that he had every right to make his own choices, but so did I, and that if I felt I had to leave so I could feel safe, he had no right to threaten to put me out on the street.  He said he understood, but we'll see.  We spent the rest of the evening together, but separate. 
Im feeling and getting stronger every day, and again, you all have a role in that, so thank you!
seeking peace,
jeannie

-- Edited by canadianguy at 16:28, 2008-08-11