The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my close friend is a chronic alcoholic , however his family are not aware just how bad his drinking is or how mental depressed ans physically ill he is . his mother died when he was ten and his brother is ten years younger than him and he raised him. i emailed his brother and told him i was concerned about him but did not say anything else.
now his brother is guilt tripping my friend saying he will kill there dad and my friend blames me and says i betrayed him.
did i do the right thing or did i over step the mark ?
Did you do the right thing? That is a tough one to judge and only you and your higher power can make that decision. That being said it is already done and all of the second guessing in the world will not undo it.
What you do or do not do now is what matters. You did what you thought was right and needed to be done. At this point I would turn it over to my higher power and let him handle it from here on out.
I had to do a google search for betrayal to find out how to answer this one and unless you had an agreement with your friend not to tell the family about his condition then there was no betrayal.
Now let yourself off the hook and go on and have a great day.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Only YOU can decide what is right for you and your life... with that being said, it is my opinion that you have good intentions.
good intentions doesn't always equate to doing the right things, but then again, they can make a difference in someone's life, also.
did you ask yourself, "what are my motives for sending the Email?" can you answer that one honestly?
aside from your part, i believe that true friends have the courage to speak openly and honestly about "the big elephant" in the house that noone wants to dare speak about.
are you prepared for the consequences? some whiplash, some kickback, some people with hurt feelings? you stirred the beehive, now the bees are coming...
your job in this, now, should be on continuing to be open and honest, and detached -- otherwise, you run the risk of letting sick people affect your own state of mind... which is how many of us fell down the deep, dark hole with our alcoholic loved ones.
(((hugs))) cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
THANK YOU AND YES I HAVE ASKED MYSELF THOSE QUESTIONS BUT I STILL FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE HE SAYS I BETRAYED HIM, HOWEVER HE ALSO TOLD ME HIS BROTHER KNEW AND WENT TO ALANON , WHICH WAS LIES. THAT IS WHY HE IS ANGRY CUS HIS SECRET IS OUT.
Lies and blaming - standard procedure for an alcoholic. It's as much a part of the disease as doing stupid things and spending too much money. As much as possible, take anything he says with a grain of salt.
Let him be whatever he is- angry, whatever. Just let him be. respect him enough to NOT try to fix anything or explain anything- just hands off DETACH, that is my ESH if I were in your shoes. You have NO CONTROL over his thoughts, actions , perceptions or behaviors. Just TRY to focus on your own, alone. hugs, J.
